Shadows of the marked

15

Gray:

I wake up feeling the worst I had felt in months. It isn't a sickness in my stomach making me need to throw up. It's the time of feeling where you know what you had done was wrong and you just want to punish yourself in any way possible. My body still tingles as I roll over, feeling the warmth of the body next to my own.

The heavy breathing next to my ear warms my neck, and the grip Cal has around my waist is like that of a cobra's. I try my best to keep my heavy eyes open, but exhaustion is beating me right now. I shut my eyes and tell myself just five more minutes.

I lay there in my thoughts, wondering why I had just let him in so easily. Maybe he would have changed his mind and taken me back? No. Calvin doesn't get influenced by that. He wouldn't. Maybe it's the fact that I desperately wanted him. In ways that I shouldn't have, and I cannot blame it on my heat either. I wanted it. Even before I had gone into heat. Does that make me an awful person?

I shouldn't have given in as easy as I did when Calvin had just given up hope on this relationship. Angry at Calvin and I both, I lay there and contemplate what had actually happened.

Carefully, I lift Calvin's arm from around me and stumble out of bed. A loud crack of thunder sounded outside. I had been so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't even realized that it was raining. The droplets fall hard enough to make little tapping noises on the window. Thoughts roll into my head. What else had I missed out on? I nearly forgot that it's spring time again. When was the last time my skin really got touched by the sun's rays?

I grab a shirt and some boxers from the closet and throw it on. It swallows me. I rub my fingertips over my stomach and frown in disgust. It grumbles, but all that I can think about is how I let this man tear me down so much. So much that I want to come crawling back, and beg him to forgive so he will never do it again.

King.

I mock the name for a split second. The man lying in the bed on the other side of the room, is just a man. He has thoughts, ideas, and he has weaknesses. Calvin was built on pain and suffering, and as much as he tries to avoid it. He does it. The man before me watched me suffer, all because I couldn't carry a baby. He didn't harm me, but ripping me away from the only thing I love was just as painful.

His hair is a mess of curls on the top of his head, his stubble is growing back. It defines his jaw. Calvin's lips are pouted. The black blanket is barely covering his manhood.

Letting out a deep breath, I throw my hair up into a bun and walk out of the room. The house looks the same. Right down to the blanket I was using before I left- still sitting in the same spot I left it in. The kitchen is clean, but the trash has a few different kinds of take-out from what I can see from my view.

Cal always disliked going out to eat. He always told me that it wasn't healthy and in order to become more in touch with my wolf I shouldn't eat so many preservatives. Yet, every time I would ask he wouldn't hesitate to take me somewhere. He's a weirdo.

I want to forgive Calvin, but deep down I'm still hurting and I refused to forgive him until I'm healed. I look at the back door, and then back down the hall where Cal is asleep. I'm not ready to handle whatever it is Calvin wants.

I open the door, and leave.

Once I get out to the sidewalk, suddenly my feet become heavy. Every step away from him, gets harder and harder. What am I so afraid of? No. What has he done to prove that he needs me. Calvin has done nothing but avoid me since he dropped me off. No contact. Not even a damn phone call. Then he decides to show up one day while I'm asleep and fuck me? I am not that wife.

With the new-found reminder of why I'm mad at Calvin in the first place, I keep moving forward. Calvin may know my body- but he damn sure doesn't know anything about my mind. Clearly. It's pretty pathetic considering the man can hear almost every thought that I have. I don't know why Calvin thought having sex with me was the right choice. He was able to control himself before, why couldn't he last night?

I just walk. My pace slowly turns into a jog. Then I run, feeling the wind against my face. The feeling is freeing, almost as if I were flying in this very moment. My body relaxes. I stop from jogging and inhale the fresh air.

"What are you doing out here by the barrier?" A voice shouts at me. I snap my head in the direction of the sound and frown when I see Ben, patrolling.

I raise my eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be happy that I'm outside?" Benjamin looks me up and down and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Yes. I am. However, considering that you're dressed like that this close to the barrier may cause unwanted attention to outsiders- not to mention the smell you're giving off right now." He coughs to clear his throat and looks to the ground for a moment before looking up. "Sorry Gray."

My frown gets heavier. "All I was doing was going for a jog. I finally feel okay for a split second and you ruin it." This causes Ben to frown.

"Look Gray, I trust you out there alone- but until you're out of heat I can't let you get past." He pauses. "Why are you out at five in the morning, while it's storming outside anyways?"

I had forgotten about that again. Maybe I can't handle myself outside of the pack, since I can't even remember that it's raining out. I look up at the sky and a raindrop lands on my nose. "What's he that rusty?" Ben laughs.

"You shouldn't have let him take me." I grumble.

"What happened?" Ben looks shocked. "Didn't you want to go back home?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"I did, but I don't know Ben. I couldn't control myself last night and he didn't. I just wish he would have waited and proved to me it wasn't just that."

"If I'm seeing this clearly- you're the one that made it a one night stand. You left. I doubt Cal knows you're out here." He smirks, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes he does." I lie.

"Want me to call hi-" he starts off but I cut him off.

"He'll find me eventually. I mean- I'm sure he's following the scent all the other guys are." I frown.

Benjamin doesn't look so amused anymore. "You're welcome to go back to my home. I can walk you there if you want." He looks somewhat upset by something. I pout, and Ben pulls me into a hug.

"I'm okay." I assure him.

"Let's go eat? It's my lunch time anyways."