Shadows of the marked

19

Getting into a relationship is hard. Your struggles become your partner's. Your life revolves around them, and theirs does yours. Nobody said it was easy, but nobody said it was this hard either.

Marriage seemed like a dream before all of this. Calvin loved me, and I loved him. It was simple. However, Cal is scared. A man as old as him, who has been through so much. Is scared. Of Us.

He never seemed like the type of man to even lie to one's face because he can hold his own. He is a king. If he can be dishonest to his wife, who else is he being dishonest with. What else do I not know? There is always some sort of secret he doesn't mention to me.

For some reason, I jump when there's a knock on the door. Cal walks in before I can even say anything. In his hand he has a bowl with some strawberry ice cream, and in the other he has a movie. I look at him, wondering what he wants.

"I figured you would have left." He says softly. Anger flashes through me. Does he just want me gone that easy? "I'm glad you didn't." He clarifies. "If you'll have me, I brought you some ice cream and was hoping we could watch a movie together. Like we used to do." He gives me a hopeful smile.

As much as I want to spend time with him, I also don't want to. He has made me go basically crazy within the hours that I have been home. It doesn't even feel like a home to me anymore.

"I let Ben know what happened, so he wouldn't freak out when he saw you. He's mad at me and wants to come get you. Please let him know if you want to leave. I won't be mad." He sighs, stepping further into the room and handing me the bowl of ice cream.

He steps to the television and pops the movie into the DVD player. The previews begin to play. Cal takes a seat at the edge of the bed and looks uneasy. His heart rate is up. He looks at me, waiting for some kind of response.

"I want a home, Cal. I don't want to keep moving back and forth from your house to his." I move the spoon around in the bowl. "I want to feel like I belong somewhere." My bottom lip quivers. Calvin scoots close to my and tucks some hair behind my ear.

"It's my fault you feel like you don't belong here anymore. I promise you, you do. I shouldn't be here." He lets out a heavy breath. Tears begin to pour down my face. Everything had been hidden by anger until now. I'm still angry. God I'm angry. I just can't hold onto the rage the way I want to.

Calvin takes the bowl from my hands and sets it on the bedside table. He shouldn't be the one consoling next after he has been the one who broke me so bad. Cal wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a tight embrace.

"I want to hate you." I whimper, slamming my hand into his chest. Cal presses his chin to the top of my head and rubs my back.

"I know." His voice cracks from him trying to keep himself together. I pull my head back after awhile and look up at him. "I hate me too." He reassures next. "You are too good to me, Gray. I do not deserve someone as beautiful as you." He sighs, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I just wish I understood how to be a good man for you." His kiss lingers on my forehead as if this is the last time he'd ever see me again.

My chest feels heavy. I have an undying need to be with a Calvin. My body, mind and soul craves to be with him. He has made me so strong. He has tested me beyond belief and I have come out a better person each time. Maybe giving him another chance wouldn't be so bad, but I don't want to put myself through that again.

I swallow my pride and do the first thing that comes to mind. I bring my lips to his. Instantly, a wave of relief washes over me. Yet- it feels off. Calvin doesn't kiss me back. He just sits there. I pull back, just to see the confused look upon his face. He looks uneasy. Terrified even.

He looks at my eyes, and then back down to my lips. I don't know what I'm thinking. I try again, and this time grab the back of his head and pull him to me. Calvin lets out a unsteady breath and kisses me back. The kiss I had only planned to be a gentle one, turns into one of those eat-their-face-off makeouts. He wraps his hand around the smallest part of my waist and pulls me on to his lap. A low groan fills my ears from our close contact.

A wave of need rushes over me that is out of my control. I grind my lower half against his and Calvin instantly breaks the kiss. "Please don't make me lose control, Gray. I don't want to do that." He sighs, leaning back and propping himself up with his arms to get a better view of me. I get disappointed.

All I want to do is distract the moment with him. The good him, the one who knows me.  Who can make me feel good, and take me away from this god forsaken world for awhile. I frown. As bad of an idea as it is, I want to hop on the chance.

"But I want you to." I whimper, running my finger over the sore on his cheek. "Make me feel better." I pout my bottom lip out. I want to use him to feel good. Like he did to me. I guess we both have done it to each other.

I want our bodies to entangle. I feel complete with him. I don't think I will be able to get that kind of feeling with anyone else, and I don't want to try it out.

His hand rubs my thigh, and he looks from it to my face. "Little wolf, it would be wrong of me. We both need time." He says softly.

"I need you." I murmur. His eyes flicker to me once again.

"Baby- no.." he argues. "Sex isn't going to fix this."

I pout and lean closer to his face. "Do you not want me?" I try to tease. "Tell me you don't want me." I demand.

Cal looks me up and down. His hand trembles as he reaches for the small of my back. "There's no denying that I want you." He murmurs. He leans forward almost touching my lips. "Right now, I want nothing more than to hold you. I haven't in too long." Calvin wraps his arms around me and holds me in a suffocating hug.

I bury my head into his chest and let out a heavy sigh. I want to be mad at him for everything. I want to scream and break things. How am I holding myself together? He is hurting too. It's like this sixth sense or something. I can feel his pain. Deep down, I'm mad at myself more than anything. I drove Calvin down a path that he didn't even want to do. He was scared, and I was desperate. It wasn't good enough for me- and I'm angry that I was still so upset.

His heartbeat slows as he inhales my scent. Our bodies seem to melt together. My wolf aches to be with her mate. I shut my eyes.

"You keep me sane, little wolf. Thank you for not killing me." He says softly. I glance up at him and roll my eyes. "You could have, you were really holding back." He scratches my head and sighs.

"You are a very fair opponent."

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