Walking through those doors Monday morning was something Jess had anticipated doing since Saturday night. How was she supposed to act? How do you act devastated over a death you caused? It was crucial she did, she was his girlfriend. If she didn't act completely ruined from this, something would seem fishy. She was worried about her every move now. Whether it seemed fishy, debatable, anything. She was afraid of messing up. Her life was at stake, her future. She was beginning to feel the aftermath of what she and Alex did. Killing someone was something, but it was Nick. Everyone really hated him. He was a douche, he couldn't sing, and he stole everyone's girlfriends for a night. Then he broke those girls' hearts. In more ways than one, whether it was by raping them or not calling them the next day. Jess wished it was just a one night thing for her, instead of what it actually was. All the time she wasted on him...
She was beginning to realize her actions just changed her life forever, and she felt terrible for bringing Alex into the situation, too. She could slip up at anytime, reveal herself or Alex, or both of them. Who knew? Her every move was crucial, and she regretted it for herself and how it could ruin her life, but not in the long run. Getting rid of Nick was going to make everyone's lives easier, no matter how terrible it was to say. She was going to feel guilty constantly, now that she did something against the law and could get arrested for it any minute. Something that was very hard to live with. The paranoia was going to be persistent. But, since Jess was a positive person, believe it or not, she continuously told herself to look on the bright side— which there hardly was one at the moment— and stay calm. She didn't have to act in front of Alex, not like she was sad about this, and fortunately Alex didn't have to act at all. But, she did, and in front of everyone else. Her parents, her friends, Nick's parents. They loved her, and now it was hard to face them when she knew she killed their son. That was the only part she regretted. They were such good people, unlike their son, and they were hurt. She had a heart, and she actually did feel bad. Now, she would learn to never act when she was in such a state as she was. She could've done other things. Like, go to court about it, and get him arrested. But, the way the world was now, she would never get justice. She knew she had to get her own. Not only for her, but everyone else.
So, when Jess walked through the set of double doors that too-bright and happy morning, her eyes were red. Tears were streaming down her face. She looked like she'd been up for days. Her parents told her she didn't have to go to school, but she went anyways. She wasn't that hurt in all actuality, and it could've made sense if she didn't go to school. She just didn't want to be behind on her work, and she knew she had to put on a show. If this had to pass, for her, she had to make sacrifices.
People came up to her, wishing her their condolences, but she didn't care. She blatantly ignored them all, and seemed hopeless. People made their predictions from the observation of the scene that she was utterly broken. Everyone was acting sad, talking about the good times with the guy, as if they actually cared about him. Jess had to hold every bit of amusement in her back, so she wouldn't break her act. She was better than that, she was a good actress. Her parents believed her every single time she lied. So, she wasn't about to stop being a good actress now.
By the middle of the day, when she sat down for lunch before everyone else at their normal table, without any food and an emotionless, but tear-stained face, she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Everyone was acting sad when they all knew they didn't really care about Nick, but maybe some were passionate about the topic of suicide. As if that were actually what it was, but only Alex and Jess knew that. God, she felt so guilty. Her face really was emotionless. She was lost in her thoughts until the guys joined her in their normal spots. They were quiet, not knowing what to say. They all stared down at their food and ate in silence. Alex kept staring into Jess's eyes as she stared into space. Somewhere he'd much rather be, because he was suffering from all the voices in his head, too. All he wanted to do was talk to her.
