I've created a beautiful mood board for this chapter. Enjoy!
Spring break, All Time Low was touring again, and Jess had been alone for the past week. She was doing lots of studying still. School would come to and end in May, which was within the span of a month. She was nervous, because still she hadn't heard back from UM. She had started to attempt to apply to others places. Beginning to lose hope, she was trying to come up with a plan B, C, and even a D. Plan A was UM, plan B was other colleges in the state. Plan C was going to cosmetology school or something like that, a vocational school. Plan D, which hopefully she wouldn't have to resort to, was take over the family business. She figured she'd hate it, but at least it would be nice to travel. All these plans made her pray that UM pulled through. That she pulled through.
Friday night, the guys returned home from their Maryland tour that had begun last Friday night. They left after school let out, and she hadn't seen them since. They called and texted, but it was nothing compared to how often she sees them and talks to them all the time. She was beginning to wonder if this was going to be how it felt when she went off for college- hopefully- and they went off on tours and such. Loneliness. She just wanted that feeling inside her to leave. She trusted them, because they were the only ones she'd ever known. They wouldn't screw her over or anything, and she trusted Alex too. How was she suppose to go to this new place, and make friends with people she didn't know if she could really trust or not. She really had it hard, all her trust issues and anxiety. It sucked. What was she suppose to do? She missed Alex dearly, it was like she craved him or something. She couldn't stop that feeling she felt at night when she laid in bed and wished she was texting him, or that he was laying beside her. He was normally on stage all night, and then too tired to stay up and text her. She didn't want it to be like this all the time, and now she didn't know what to do. It was hard, but they were both strong enough to make it through. At least she hoped.
Alex missed her too, but he wasn't feeling the same. It wasn't that he didn't care about her, it was just that he wasn't the one who wasn't stuck at home, bored to death. He was the one having the time of his life. It was a distraction to keep him from feeling like Jess. It wasn't that he missed her, it was just that he was doing something amazing and she wasn't. And that's how she felt. She was just sitting around, not doing anything. Studying in hopes that she would get into UM. But she was beginning to lose the false hope and try to come to terms with the fact that it was too late for them to reply, and she knew it was.
"Hey!" Alex exclaimed as he hopped out of the van, pulling Jess into a tight hug.
"Hey," She mumbled into his chest.
"Jess, I had such a great time.." He daydreamed back to the other night, when they had a crowd of almost 500 people. "We're taking off. It's amazing. I just wish you could've been there."
"Me too," She nodded, pulling away from him. She shoved her hands into her pockets and looked at him. He was so tired, but still eccentric. "But you know I couldn't."
"I know, it just sucks.." He trailed off, digging his feet into the gravel. Sensing some awkwardness. "You wanna help me out with this stuff?"
They all finished carrying all the stuff down to Rian's basement, then sleepily parted ways. Jess drove Alex home. He was too tried to drive, more than likely. She just liked to be safe. She stopped outside and he sat there. There was a silence over them. He looked over at her. "Are you mad at me?"
"What?" She replied instantly. "No, why would you think that?"
"I don't know, you haven't really said anything to me since I got back. You didn't even kiss me. You seem tense." He shrugged.
"No, I'm just tired," She lied. He knew she was. He bit his lip and thought for a minute, but let it go.
"Well, stay the night with me? I've missed you." He asked. She began to shake her head, but he begged her and she said yes. Really she just wanted to be home, studying.
They went up to his room, and he collapsed into his bed. She placed his stuff down in the corner of his messy room. She looked down at floor that had probably dirty clothes all over it. She rolled her eyes at his messiness and walked over to where he was. She sat down on the bed and ran her fingers through his hair. She had already taken her jeans off to be more comfortable. She didn't really have any other clothes, and she was comfortable with Alex seeing her like that now anyways.
He sat up and faced her. "I love you Jess."
"I love you too." She gave him a small smile. He leaned in and kissed her. Eventually, it got heated and he pushed down onto the bed. She pulled his black shirt off his body. He pulled her tank top off in return which revealed her black bra. He thought she was so gorgeous. She had the perfect body, the perfect face, she was just everything to him. She thought the same about him. Eventually, she tugged at his jeans and he pulled them off.
He stopped them abruptly. "Do you want to do this?"
She nodded. "Yes, I do. I want you, Alex. I always have." He smiled and began kissing her again. He threw her underwear across the room, with her bra following after. Then he yanked his underwear off, and of course- placed a condom on. She climbed onto his lap and he kissed her as they shared intimate moments in the light from the window, where a red light shined inside, creating silhouettes.
They laid in bed, facing each other. Alex traced her skin and she just looked a him. The covers over her chest and his hips. "I love you."
"I love you too." She replied.
"Are you okay? Are you sure you wanted to do that? Because you didn't have to if you didn't want to.." He rambled, feeling insecure. Her expression was unreadable and he didn't know how to feel. Did she like it? Did she not? Is she okay?
"Yes," She stopped him. "I wanted to do that, and I'm glad I did. I just.. I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." He straightened up, giving her his full attention. He knew there was something. "What is it that you're not telling me, Jess?"
She let out a sigh. "I missed you, and you hardly had time to talk to me. When I go to college, and you're touring, how is this suppose to work?"
He frowned at her. "We'll figure it out, Jess. We always do. Don't tell me you're doubting us." She was silent. "Jess-"
"I'm not, I'm not. I just.. I don't know what to think and it scares me. I don't want to lose you, Alex, I don't. I love you. But it sucked so much not having you just this week, imagine all the time. I just don't see how it could work." She chewed her lip.
"Don't talk like that. It's gonna be just fine. Don't worry about it, we'll make it work. It'll be okay." He pulled her into his arms, but he had doubt on his face too. She had made a good point, but he was willing to do anything to make it work.
Sorry it's so short, it's really just a filler chapter that needed to be included and I have school and band going on rn so it's wild lmao
