Jess thought showing up to school that Monday was going to be hard. Now, it was Thursday, and they were having the visitation for Nick. She really had to put on a show, then. She thought about maybe not even attending, but she knew that wouldn't do. She wished she could've just killed him and got it over with. Or maybe not acted so terribly in a vulnerable state of mind like she did Saturday night. She'd been laying in bed, thinking a lot. About how she shouldn't have done what she did, but she did. Now she had to stand her ground and make this all go away smoothly. No matter how hard it was.
"Oh, Jess! Good to see you! You give off such positive energy, just like always. It's nice to have you around when tragedy strikes and just in general. You make me want to smile, even though I'm at my grandson's visitation." Grandma Wheeler hugged Jess tightly. She couldn't let her look falter with guilt. She felt bad again, that she killed him. They didn't know that. They wouldn't be hugging her right now if they did. She killed someone's son and grandson. She should've thought about it, but really it wouldn't've been any better if she sent their son to jail and made the world know he raped her and probably other girls too. Maybe then they'd not care about him so much anymore, even if it is their son. He was a monster. God, what did Jess know? She wasn't a parent. She can't worry about that now, what was done is done. No matter how bad she wanted Nick back. She hated herself for kinda missing him. After what he did to her. She was sad, it wasn't hard to act. It was just hard to act sad about his death and not the fact that he killed her, too.
"Good to see you too, Grandma." Jess hugged her tightly. Nick's Grandparents had requested for her to call them Grandma and Gpa, along with his parents, mom and dad. At the time she liked the idea, she wanted to marry Nick. Before he raped her and she came to her senses and killed him. The phrase had been repeating in her mind for days. He raped her, she came to her sense and killed him. She felt bad for them, though. They didn't know. About her, or about Nick. Or about Alex. Now, she just wanted to call them by their names.
"My condolences to you, my dear. It must be so hard for you. Nick was a good guy, and you two were so in love. Arranging to get married after college? I'm so terribly sorry." Gpa hugged Jess tightly also. Their hugs were so loving. She didn't deserve them. And she was embarrassed of herself to be reminded that she wanted to marry him, and his family wanted her to. And that she was ever in love with such an asshole.
"And mine to you," She replied, giving him a small, sad smile and a nod. It wasn't their fault Nick raped her. You think you raise them right, but sometimes it doesn't always work out. In the end, you can't control their mind. Sometimes things can't be prevented. Like someone's actually gonna call the new hotline the school was forced to provide. "Could you excuse me?"
"Sure, honey. Need to use the bathroom?" Nick's mom rubbed her back comfortingly. Jess was getting tired of it. She was beginning to go crazy. She wished she'd never done this, and never dragged Alex into it either.
"Yeah, I just need a minute." She nodded. Nick's mom pulled her into a hug, holding her closely. All Jess wanted to do was escape, and get away for a minute. If only a minute, she just needed away from everyone.
Finally, she headed off in the direction of the exit, on the side of the building where no one else would be. She sat down on the steps and put her knees to her chest. She rested her head on her arms and tried to breathe. Pretending she was sad about this was hard to do, but she could go to jail. If they suspected anything from her, they'd reopen the case and rule it a murder or whatever, and then arrest her somehow. God, she was beginning to act like Alex. Live on what ifs all the time. She just wished this would pass. Then someone sat next to her on the steps. She looked to see who. "Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah." She nodded, wiping her eyes. "Why'd you come?"
"He was an asshole and all that other stuff, but, I figured it might look good." He whispered to her.
