Jess had laid awake all night. She wasn't tired. All she could do was think about what Alex had said. She knew he saw it too, the complications of them being together. As soon as school let out, they were going to tour further, in surrounding states, forever. How was Jess suppose to do this? Alex could, sure. He was going to be distracted the whole time. She would just have school, and loneliness. Maybe she should do something else, this wasn't what she was meant to do. There wasn't anything else. If she didn't go to college, she wouldn't have a life. She was independent, and she couldn't depend on Alex. Now, she was sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be here next to him, and had the feeling she shouldn't get too attached now, because this couldn't possibly work for the both of them. She felt as if she may puke. They'd fought so hard to be together, but now she didn't know if it was all right. If it was all worth it. It was selfish, that's what it was. Blackmailing someone else so they could be together. As Alex put it. Or was it selfish that someone else tried to blackmail them so they could be with Alex. Jess was starting to question everything, that includes everything that happened this past year.
She wondered what her life would be like now if Alex hadn't moved here. Would she still be with Nick? Would he have raped her? If he did, who would she have called when she was ready to kill him? Would she even have reacted that way? Was Alex in her life now, for better or for worse? As soon as Alex showed up, everything in her life started going to shit. Everything except for him, and what did that mean? What was she suppose to do with that? Was he here, for better or worse? And that's the question that played over in her mind that night, as she laid next to the clueless boy.
When Alex did wake up, she was dead asleep and what he didn't know was that she had just went to sleep minutes before he woke up. He looked over at her, seeing her gorgeous brown hair flowing down her bare back. He started to leave kisses on her, and her eyes fluttered open. She was exhausted, and all she wanted to do was go home. Now she knew she had to get out of here somehow. "Good morning."
"Morning." She mumbled sleepily. Alex, on the other hand, felt as if he'd been rejuvenated or something. He felt brand new, from finally sleeping in his own bed, or a bed at all.
"Hey," He grabbed her face. "I love you."
He didn't know what to think when she hesitated to speak. "I... I love you too." And she got up, still holding the sheets to her chest. And wrapped it around herself and got out of bed, suddenly feeling exposed towards him. He was sat there, confused and watching her every move. He finally started to put his underwear and such back on as he saw her do it. She tossed the cover back onto his bed as she was done. "I have to get home, I have a lot to do."
"Jess, stop." He said, and stood up. He sighed and looked at her. "What's wrong?"
She swore, if someone asked her that again she may as well just.. Well she didn't know what she'd do but she hated that question more than anything. "Nothing, I have a lot to do. I didn't even want to stay the night, remember?"
"Why are you being like this all the sudden?" He asked, breathing out a long sigh. He loved her, he did, just sometimes he didn't know what to do with her.
"Like what?" She asked, but she knew. He knew her too well and she hated that. She just wanted to get away from him.
"Fine, leave Jess. I don't care anymore, okay?" And they both knew he was hurt too. Only he knew why. He was beginning to feel insecure, that the sex wasn't good. That he'd done something wrong. That there was something wrong with him. Why wasn't he ever good enough for Jess Vaughn?
She looked at him a minute, his words hurting her also. She didn't know how she felt. She didn't want him to care, but she did. She was torn. Of course she loved him, and nothing was going to stop her, but she wondered if it was for the best or not. She grabbed her bag and rushed out of his bed room door. He watched her, then glanced out his window and saw her drive away from his curb. He put his face in his hands and rubbed his face, dragging them up through his hair. He didn't know what to do with himself. It's not like he meant that. But he knew he shouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it. What was he suppose to do now? Maybe he should just give her space.. and that's just what he did.
