Mokoto Todoroshi (OC x Yuri!!! on Ice!)

Maybe I'm Crazy

"Strip~"

"Yuuri, I'm completely fine."

"I just want to make sure you're not hurt."

"I'll be fine."

~~~Skip a week~~~

I was walking down the beach. Yuuri and Viktor had decided to stay for a while longer than expected.

Occording to my doctor, I was suffering from depression. I guess I've felt empty for a long time. I've realized that Viktor never loved me. He just wants my...uhh...you know.
Same with Yuuri. He just uses me as a placeholder for when  Viktor isn't here. I know this. But now that I know, It makes me feel even more empty.

I guess I could never really love. I've just felt dead inside.

~~~

I love the sounds the seagulls make. I grew up in a fishing village in Japan. They remind me of the cool, crisp water, and the happiness of the people there. I just wish Haha-san was here with me. Without thinking, I walked to the water. It was cold, just as I remember. I sat down, and placed my feet in the tide.

~~~

I came back home earlier than expected. Replacing my shoes with house slippers, I noticed two other pairs of shoes. Viktor and Yuuri were here. I hung up my coat and scarf, placing my skating bag and costume in the closet by the door. I rubbed the back of my neck.  My back hurts~

Why...

I walked town the hall to my room.

Does it...

I heard moaning and noises coming from Viktor's room. I smirked. I was going to have to clean the sheets in there tomorrow.

...

I spoke through the door. "I'm home but I won't bother you. Have fun~"

It Hurts...

Walking down the hall, I opened my bedroom door. A wave of sadness hit me, causing me to fall to my knees. I wiped away tears I had cried for no reason and closed the door. Getting up, I walked to my closet and changed into a T-shirt and sweatpants. Still crying for a reason I couldn't recognize, I peeled back the white sheets of my bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I understood. I was crying because my love was one-sided. Of course they didn't like me back. They hadn't even bothered to say when I came back. The creaking in the room beside me stopped. Oh, so they're done.

Do they even...

I was still awake, crying, when I heard a knock on my door.

"Mokoto? Yuri Plisetski and Pichit came over."

"Viktor."

"Yes?"

"Please just leave me alone."

Care that I exist?

Instead of leaving, Viktor walked over to my bedside. I pulled the blankets over my head. The bed shifted, and I felt a hand on my head. He was sitting beside me. I pulled my head out from under the covers. He seemed sad at my response.

"What makes you say that?" I stayed quiet "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Fine. It may seem selfish to you, and I know that Yuuri is the most important person in your life. But, all we did together, was that even love?" Viktor sighed

"You'll understand when you're older."

"But I want to understand now. I want to know. You're eight years older than me, but I don't care." I really didn't want to be brushed off by him. "What do you think about me?"

"You are-" he was cut off when I interjected

"Be honest."

"You are a nice person and I won't think of you any differently, no matter what gender you are." Viktor wiped a tear from my cheek. "Do you love me back?" I scoffed at the question

"Did you ever wonder why I had my arms wrapped in bandages when you woke up in the hospital a few weeks ago?"

"Huh? No. Why?"

"I was so sad and upset that I cut my arms. I couldn't practice. I couldn't even eat." He looked at me like I was crazy.

And maybe I was.