Forever and Always is Complicated (UsUk Fanfiction)

Chapter Forty-Four

Alfred's POV

I saw Arthur's car pull up, and I felt that familiar pain in my chest. I was so distraught, so lost every time I saw it. I was so stupid.. I'm so stupid.

I want to run back to him, feel him in my arms once more. Taste him, hear him laugh, see him smile. I haven't seen it in so long. I wonder if he smiles anymore? Laughs? I heard he's been hanging with Francis a lot, I don't see why..they hate each other.
Well, Arthur has. Francis has always had a thing for him.
Wait, Arthur's not single. He needs to take his hands off of him.
Well, he may not be single but he certainly isn't mine..

He knocked on the door, causing me to be snapped out of my daze. I bolted off the couch and answered the door, not even looking at him. You'd think...you'd think you'd be moving on after this time?
But, hell. We knew, we knew we weren't going to move on. We knew we were still in love. But dammit, that doesn't make it any better.

"Arthur," I said quietly, waving to Elizabeth.
"Alfred, yes. Can I um, come inside? I need to talk to you."

He hasn't said that in a long time.

"Uh...the apartment isn't clean.." I admitted sheepishly, there were certainly things I didn't want him to see.
"When will you ever change," he replied, smiling sadly at me, I watched Elizabeth scurry to her room. She knew something was going to happen.

Arthur's POV

"Long time no talk," I said, taking the tea he had offered me. He nodded, still not facing me. I noticed he was in fact wearing his ring. It made me feel...special I suppose. Like we both weren't letting go.

"So...I wanted to catch up," I said, glancing at the steaming cup, burning my hands. It felt good, it numbed me.
"Oh yeah?" He asked, adjusting on the couch, perking up. I nodded, sitting opposite him in a chair. "What did you want to know..?"
"How are you?"

He tensed, trying to smile. I knew his fake. I knew his real. That wasn't it.
"I'm fine," he said, humming.
"Alfred..please. I still care."
"You know I'm not fine Arthur. Why did you ask?"
I sighed, he'd snapped at me..Alfred..

"It's all my fault."
"Arthur, shut up." He glared, I shrank down a little. He was so hurt. And who's fault was that?
Yours truly.
"It's true. You know it's true. If I hadn't slept with Hedvika, if I hadn't been so stupid..so insensitive, so sad enough that you'd strike me.."

"That wasn't your fault-"
"Your mother..she was so horrible to you, you were drinking so much.." I sobbed, my head in my hands. "I deserved to be struck. I was no help to you, Alfred I'm so sorry.."

"Arthur, stop. I've been getting help. Not just for that. My anxiety, my depression."
"You tried to kill yourself!" I cried, looking up at the other. He shrank down in the couch, guilty. Broken.
"How did you know?"
"Mattie told me everything. Your wrists...you're such a beautiful man Alfred, why would you scar yourself like that?"
"Again? Because I can Arthur. Because I'm an unforgivable asshole Arthur. Wanted to catch up? Here's how I am. A fucking shitstorm who's probably going to lose his job because his husband is sleeping around with his boss."

I jolted up, glaring at him. "I am doing no such thing! Where did you get this assumption?"
"He's been trying to fuck you since he first laid eyes on you."
"Well, not like you'll touch me."
"Oh wouldn't that be fucking great!" He yelled back, shaking his head.
"I wish you would," I choked out, going for the door. "I wish everything could go back to normal."

He sighed, looking over at me. He got up and approached me, looking into my eyes, seeing my paling skin.
And he kissed my cheek.
Bastard.
I looked at him, sighing. Touch me more..love me. Take me back Alfred!

I wanted to scream, but I couldn't say the right words. I pushed him away, saying my goodbyes to Elizabeth, peering at a saddened Alfred at the front doorway.

"Good day Alfred." I mumbled, staring at the floor.
"See ya Arthur, thanks for catching up."
"Alfred.." I stopped him, brushing a hand in his hair, his cheeks tinted. Just like when we were children.
"Yes?"
"Don't scar yourself Love, you're perfect."

"I..I'll try." He said quietly, he looked down at my hand, then back at me. "Are you sure you don't want to stay any longer?"
"Alfred.."
"I don't mean it like in a sexual manner if that's what you're implying! Just...I blew a gasket and forgot about to ask about you...would you um..want to stay a little longer? You don't have to! But uh, I miss your voice."

I couldn't help but smile, he was always so sweet to me. No matter what. "Alfred, that sounds lovely." I said calmly, he took me back inside almost immediately after.

Alfred's POV

"Francis really is trying to get into m my pants, I will admit." He said, finishing up his tea from earlier. I nodded, chuckling.
"Doesn't it make sense now that I've explained the clues? Don't...don't try making any moves with him alright?"
"Oh Alfred, I would never."

I smiled.
"No, not because of you. But because I would rather kill myself."
I winced, looking away. Ouch.

He gasped, covering his mouth. "Oh Alfred I'm so sorry.."
"It's alright, it's fine. You're used to saying things like that."
"I'm used to saying anything I've wanted for a good year now."
I rolled my eyes, admiring the male in front of me, perfection. And here he was, smiling, laughing. Just like old times.

Problem is, he wasn't mine.

"Hey, Arthur. Can I ask a serious question?"
He raised (his)an eyebrow(s), resting his chin in his hands. "Oh? And what does the oh so serious Alfred have to ask?"
"You're not...you're not so quick to divorce right?"

He stared, stared and stared. He didn't say anything. I figured he was thinking. By his facial expression I knew he was shocked by the random question.

"I mean...no. We have Eliza, she's torn to shreds about this." He said, sighing. "Besides, as long as I see it. I will always be married to you." He said, surprising me.
"Oh?"
"You'll always have a piece of my heart Alfred, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm not taking off the wedding ring."
"You're not?" I asked, blushing.
"No."

"I haven't either."
"I noticed," he said, a pride in his tone.
"Arthur, how have you been?" I asked, smiling at the other, seeing his eyebrows furrow. His nose scrunching up..always so cute.

"Now, I'm doing a little better.."