Forever and Always is Complicated (UsUk Fanfiction)

Chapter Forty-Nine

June 26th
The day the young love died.

Alfred's POV

He was holding my hand, do you know what that's like? You know, how in the movies when the lover dies and their hand loosens in your grip?

That's real life.

I remember..I remember faintly..screaming. But it wasn't my own. I had gone mute. Numbed by anything and everything I thought I could ever feel. Do you know what that's like?
Like...oh..like an inferno. Yes, like a wildfire. Your house, the one you grew up in, it's just standing there. Still. As a fire swoops up over it, hell breaking lose in the meantime.
Do you...do you know what that's like?

Surely I thought I'd have gone mad. I thought I would be sobbing, screaming. Like our young daughter would be. But I didn't shed a single tear.

For the first time in three months I went home that night. I had to make some phone calls. I had to...I had to begin planning his funeral.
And you know what the fucked up thing is?
I ignored my daughter.

We both just kind of locked each other in our rooms. We were very similar in which how we dealt with things.
But her father was dead and my forever had ended quite abruptly.
That's the horror of grievances.

I remember telling Francis. I remember calling and telling his Arthur had left, I hadn't said died. No. I'd said left.
Five minutes later Francis was at my house. He'd almost gotten in three traffic accidents to be there next to me. He'd always be such a good friend of mine..

We both called Arthur's brothers one by one. Peter would be last. Just in case by chance..something would happen.

Seamus freaked out, screaming and sobbing. I remember his voice trembling with every cry, every sob. He just wished for his brother back. Wished he wasn't such a prick to him, and how he blamed himself. So I sat him down and told him otherwise.
He would be so thankful, and in later years tell me how much he needed it. Seamus later would become one of my closest friends ever.

Next, Alistair. He took the news remarkably well, or maybe he was pretending? The Scotsman hid everything really. He went off and did his own thing, I don't even know.

After that was Dylan. He and Arthur were really close, and when I'd told him the news he'd just hung up. He would never truly believe the news and fall into long intervals of insanity when doing so. He would never fully be the same.

And finally, Peter.
I called him to come over, and after a while, he was at Arthur and I's home. He was already crying. He knew. He'd gone to the hospital, assuming I was still there. We referred to it as home there for a while, because we did practically live there.
The doctors had told him. He said he broke down in the middle of the hospital, screaming no's and for his big brother to come back. I would run into a doctor the day after, after cleaning up stuff from our old room, who said that Peter was one of the strongest and bravest individuals he'd ever met.
He'd take it to heart every day, and I'd always believe it.

The funeral was..as good as I could've made it. It was exactly what Arthur would have wanted. And I know, when most people say that, it's out of vain.
No way in hell would I ever do that to him. Arthur left detailed and complex plans of what he wanted. From the exact brand of casket to guest arrangements. He'd been planning his own funeral for seven months, in secret.

The most beautiful sight was when the casket was being lowered. It was the most emotional too. I sobbed, I couldn't control it anymore. It was the first time I had ever cried after his death. Three days after it.
Elizabeth clung close to me, crying hysterically herself. We may have been messes, but we lost a half of us. She lost half of her parents..I lost half of me.

People asked me if I did what most widows do, you know? Take the ring when their partners die? No. Arthur would embark on a new journey always knowing that I would forever be loyal to him and forever know of my love.

After the ground was settled and all that the Kirkland brothers all stood up and locked eyes, I had no idea what they were doing, but I was kind of worried. These brothers were mysterious.
They all clenched a type of flower from the flowers of Arthur's and I's wedding. All at once, the brothers, brought together by the loss of another, laid down the flowers to create Arthur and I's wedding bouquet.
I had begun crying once more. I was so thankful for them. So thankful for that moment. It was honestly something I never forgot. Ever.

And I'll forever be sure Arthur was watching too, enjoying his brothers uniting once more. It always brought on this different side to him when his brothers would visit. Something I suppose I'd never understand.

Next, Francis, Gil, Elizabeta, Matthew, and Kiku stood up. I had no idea of any of this. It was all a surprise plan.
And you know who devised it?
My daughter sitting right next to me with one of the first smiles I had seen...in a long time.

They laid their flowers down, Gil and Elizabeta's children running up to hug Eliza and I. I didn't even know what was happening anymore. Something beautiful had sprouted under the ugliness of death.

Choice words were spoken to me that day. But each of the goers.
My brother smiled at me, turning to face Arthur's new site. "Death doesn't mean forever and always stops Alfred." Were the words he'd said to me. Notice how I never forgot?

Francis followed, chuckling a little. "That daughter of yours is sure to be just like her father. She's just as sneaky." He said, roughing up her short blonde hair. I turned to my daughter and she was still smiling.
"Are you gonna be like Daddy?" I asked her. Her mind was turning, the wheels in her head.
"Forever and always." She said, hand placed over her heart.

Francis captured the photo and held on to it. Eliza told us not to publish it. So, we didn't. She wanted the photo, we gave it to her.
Personally, I would never find out what happened to it. I hope she does something great with it one day.

One day we went to a drug store and went to the photo centre.
We printed every photo of us three together. All the dorky, all the stupid ones, all the actual nice ones.
In total there were about six hundred photos we printed over a month's time.
The people knew us by name and started giving us discounts at first after we told them why we were printing so much.
After a while they just let us do it for free.

And I suppose I should start wrapping this up, huh?
Everyone, my name is Alfred F. Jones. I've had the pleasure to..to love someone as much as I loved Arthur Kirkland-Jones. Through every rough down, or every rocketing up, I managed to give my all to that man for every day we shared together. I adored every normalcy, every nicety, and every dull moment we ever shared. I helped raise our daughter to become anything she ever wanted to be. She now models and writes columns for anything she can get her hands on.
But, that's all my story is allowed to know of her. She tells her own story.

Arthur, our love had ended so soon. I promise you, I have never forgotten a good or bad memory. As I age on without you by my side I still smile or laugh at the little things you did to me or the things I did to you. We may have raised hell together but you were always an angel to me. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for all the stress I put you under.
I remember your smile, your voice, and your charisma. I never have gotten rid of anything of yours, just in case I need to be reminded of your sweet scent. I can't help but question where we would be if we had gotten more time together. Would we have gotten another child? Most likely. Done more photoshoots together, travelled the world together. Watched our beautiful little girl grow up to be our beautiful mother of three. I held them..I held all of them how you would've. Our beautiful grandchildren.

Arthur, I never loved again. I just couldn't bring myself to. You told me to, but there are some things I cannot do. And bringing myself to move on? That's one of the main ones on my list.
What would you have done if you had more time? I don't know...I wish I could have found out for myself.
Arthur, I assure you. The day we are united again will be a dream come true. I wish to wake up at your side every day, just one last time. One more hug, one kiss. One more chance to properly say goodbye. To live out our forever and always.
One last time...

And when my time is up, have I done enough, will they tell your story?
Oh I can't wait to see you again...
It's only a matter of time....

(Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story — Hamilton)