Stockholm Syndrome

22: All This Is Your Fault

22: All This Is Your Fault

Luke tied my hands behind my back again roughly. He pulled me upstairs and refused to make eye contact the whole way up. I quietly resisted. He still put the gag back on though. He pushed me back into the bedroom. This time he didn't follow me in. Instead, he shut the door on me and I heard some sort of lock on the other side as I landed on my knees. I cried because on the way up, Luke had forced another pill down my throat. I thought we had at least moved past that. I sulked to the bed before everything became too blurry for me to function.

Everything was blurry when I woke up but I could tell Luke was in the room, rummaging through the dresser. He was shirtless with gray sweatpants on. It looked like he had just taken a shower, judging from the droplets of water on his chest and hair. I made it a point to ignore his chest hair as I tried to talk. I mumbled something weakly as he turned around to see that I was awake. He walked over and untied the gag before going back to whatever he was doing. He gave up on his search through the dresser and turned to lean on it, watching me. He was waiting because he could tell I actually had something to do other than scream. I knew he had thrown me up here because he was angry about us kissing.

"You can't blame me." I said, my voice small as I backed into the headboard. He cocked his head. I thought he was going to play dumb but was glad when he didn't. He looked down, licking his lips. Taking a deep breath, he faced me again.

"Are you ok?" He studied my face and then my body as if it had been bruised. I shied away from his gaze, looking away.

"I just kissed the most terrifying person I've ever met." I told him. "That doesn't scream 'ok.'" He grunted. For some reason my chin began to shake. And then I started crying. I don't know why that was my default but this whole situation was just beginning to sink in. My vision blurred and I growled out of frustration because the dummy still had my hands behind my back so I couldn't wipe the tears away. To my dizzy horror, I felt the bed dip slowly. Luke cupped my cheek with his hand giving me time to flinch and then get used to the sensation. He gently swiped the water pooling on my face away with his thumb. As everything cleared, I stared at him while his eyes dug deeper into my soul than they normally did. He let me cry and eventually we were laying together so that I could curl into his chest for comfort. Was this his way of apologizing? But what was he apologizing for? The kiss or every other act he had done to me. He pressed his lips to my hair while I trembled in his arms.

"I'm sorry. I know it wasn't right to take my emotions for that kiss out on you." He muttered. I pulled out of his arms and sat up against the headboard, shaking my head as I stared at the wall.

"All of this is your fault." I whimpered. "I didn't want any of it." I shook. He propped himself up on his elbow.

"I know." He whispered. "I don't know why I was thinking you would understand my reasoning."

"Well I can't very well understand your reasoning if you don't tell me!" I snapped. "I'm sorry." I looked at him in the eyes as he sat up. "Actually I'm not." I growled. "I'm not sorry. I'm pissed." I bit my lip. He nodded.

"I know."

We fell asleep and somehow I ended up in his arms again. I forced myself not to appreciate it and how warm and comforting he was. But I also didn't push out of his sleepy embrace.