Kiss Me (yaoi / boyxboy)

Chapter 21

Grey

I'm lying in bed when the doorbell goes off. I'd faked being ill and got the day off school. I'll admit it- I'm a massive wimp. If anything goes even slightly wrong, that's it- I can't even move from my duvet cocoon for at least 24 hours. I groan, hoping that they'd go away but unfortunately for me, the door bell rings twice and apparently the rest of my family have either gone deaf or lost control of their legs because no-one answers it. After the person changes tactics to knocking, I get up, flinching as my bare feet hit the cold floor.

I pad down the hall, quickly opening the door. I freeze. The shock of seeing the person standing outside the house takes away my ability to move or think.

"Hey." Eli says softly.

"Hey." I echo back to him, still not convinced that he's really there.

His question releases me from my state of shock, "How're you?" Fucking terrible, thanks for asking. I've spent the day wallowing in self-pity and generally being pathetic and I hate myself because of that. Oh, and apparently, I'm feeling incredibly bitter towards you.

"I'm swell. And you?"

He rubs the back of his head, probably slightly put off by the not exactly happy tone in my voice. "I'm good, thanks."

"Why're you here?" I keep forgetting that he doesn't know I saw him with that Melody person so to him, I must seem just completely bipolar.

He sighs and digs his hands into his pockets, shuffling his feet before finally making eye contact with me, "I have something to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not gay."

I take in a breath, unsure of what to do or say. My stomach churns with embarrassment and I just know that my face is burning red.

"I don't like guys, I don't like... I don't like you in that way."

I nod, head lowered and unable to make contact with those gold brown eyes I'd found so much happiness in. "Okay," I breathe, "Okay, that's fine."

"I'm actually dating someone." Even though I knew that already, my heart still sinks lower than I ever thought it could. I know I have to act like I didn't already now.

"Who?"

"A girl at my school, she's called Melody."

"I'm um, I'm happy for you." It sounds so awkward when I say it and Eli looks uncomfortably around, avoiding my gaze as much as I'm avoiding his.

"Yeah, well. She can be a right cow at times." He grunts and I look in surprise at his unhappy face, "but she can be really sweet and kind. And it helps that she's hot..." The words sound wierd- forced.

It's obvious that he's trying so hard to make sure I know he doesn't like me. He probably thinks I'm disgusting, that I'm just some stupid gay kid with a crush that he can't get rid of. Stop thinking like that! My brain screams, just knowing that another negative thought will have me crying again even though I'd felt pretty damn sure I was all out of tears.

"You okay?" He moves like he's about to place his hand on my shoulder but he lets it drop to his side. I don't know why but it's that that really gets to me- the fact that he won't comfort me as a friend, that he can't even bare to touch me.

I smile, laughing half-heartedly in an attempt to prove both to myself and to Eli that "I'm fine." He chews his cheek and I can tell he doesn't believe me. I need him to go, if it carries on like this I really will just break down in front of him, "I'll see you round, yeah?"