letters assembled.

falling stars

"You are fucking crazy!" She shouts in your direction as you stumble backwards onto the couch.
"I never want to see you again..." She says a bit quieter.
The door slams. You are alone again.
Your thoughts race in her absense. In the absense of someones presance in in general.
You begin to think of how much you had not even really like that girl.
How... You just were tired of being lonely.
Well... She was gone either way... And you were alone again...
Then darkness.

Dead bodies flash before your mind. Decomposing slowly while the souls of the deceases screamed in agony filling your ears

Blood poured onto the ground.
Bullets fired.
Smoke filled the air.
Explosions rocking the distance.
Buildings collapsed in my mind, and people were injured.
Some died in front of you while others suffered for hours. For days. For the rest of their life with deformities, scars and pain.

You take a deep inhale and open your eyes.
You are back in your apartment.
"Fuck."
"I cannot get lost like that again."
You whisper.
You try to get up but find it difficult in your exhausted state.
Somehow you emerge victorious and stand to your feet.
You walk to the kitchen and think of possibly feeding your empty stomach.
"She has no room to talk." You mutter to yourself staring into your empty fridge.
"She thinks I scare her? I scare myself more than anyone." You mutter again slamming the door to the frigde shut.
You sit back down... And stare at the wall for a moment. Lacking strenth to turn your television on or to gaze at your empty phone.
The music kicks in.
A brief moment of relation crosses your mind listening to the beat and the lyrics.
But quickly the music dies down...
More images of destruction. Flames. disease. Earthquakes and flooded cities.
Children float in the water and for a moment you remember that moment all that years ago when you watched the flame float into the river and you realized he was really gone.
Your mom breaking down. Your sister shouting and screaming.
You put your head down and try not to think so hard. Thats all this is right? Thinking too hard?
You are unsure as you get lightheaded and cold fingertips.
Your eye twitches...
Your thoughts bombard you like artillery on an enemy position.
Images of war cross by your mind.
Soldiers kissing loved ones only to die hours later.
Leaving their family.
Thousands of bodies lying on the ground.
Shouting and gunfire.
You take a deep inhale and try to relax.
You are not a monster.
You are not a bad person.
You have no intent to hurt a soul.
You have no intent to hurt anyone.
You are passionate about the people you care about.
You care a lot.
Too much.
You have love to give and happiness on the way.
But for right now you are stuck. Right now they all have turned on you and left you to die alone.
You are stuck.
Locked in a cage.
A cage you will free yourself from one day.

"I understand why Ordin happened now...."