Slick Depression

86

How am I supposed to be your friend

When I get an anxiety attack every time I go somewhere you might be?

How am I supposed to help with the play, much less be in it

If I can't breathe when I think about you?

How am I supposed to be in a relationship

That makes me so much happier than you ever made me

When I can't get you out of my head?

When I can't get your hands from my body

Or your lips from my skin

Your touch

Your killing

Heart breaking

Soul destroying

Touch

Is etched into my skin

And I want more

But

Because there's always a but

She's the one who gets it

And don't get me wrong

I've never been happier

Than I am now

But

There it is again

That but

And I can't figure out what comes after

There's always that but

Because I still have feelings for you

you were my first kiss

You were the first guy I wanted more with

You were the first guy I thought about letting touch me

So of course I still have feelings for you

That was some insane trust

To even think about letting you touch me

Like that

But now that's over

And I need to accept that

It's over

And I have him

Yes

I loved what we had

I miss it

But now I get it

As much as I miss what we had

And though I may still have feelings for you

We could never have had what he and I have

So yes

I told you stuff he may never hear

I trusted you with something I've never told anyone

You were my first kiss

But that's all it would ever have been

Maybe that's why I didn't feel anything when you kissed me

Or maybe that's just how it is

Maybe I'm not supposed to feel anything

Or maybe there's something wrong with me

But whatever the reason

You don't even compare to him

To what he and I have

He is so much more than you

And I think I'm done

I'm done with you

I'm done caring about what you think

Or what you're doing

Or how she's making you laugh or smile

Because you were a chapter

You weren't a mistake

I have no regrets about you

But it's time to close that chapter

Because I've got someone

I want to write a new one with

And he is so much better than you

This doesn't mean I won't still

Think about you

Or wonder

Or get anxiety

Or be a little jealous when I see you two

No, that is definitely not what this means

This means

I'm not going to run back to you when you and her don't work out again

It means if you want our friendship to last, you're going to need to put some effort in

Which means we won't be talking until I'm in bc

It means, and this one is most important,

I am not going to let what we had

Or how it ended

Affect my relationship with him

you have her

So go be happy

Be happy without me

Because I am so

Unbelievably happy without you

**
Fun fact. His girl broke up with him the day after I wrote this