"I want to die"
A phrase that's never far from my mind
I don't understand why I was even born in the first place
I'm a screw up and a slut
A worthless piece of trash
"I want to die"
It's not necessarily true
I more wish I was never born
I'm too tired to deal with anything
But I'm too scared to end everything
I've tried and failed
I guess you could say it's because I subconsciously don't want to die
Or maybe it's because I fear death
But is it possible to fear death more than I fear life?
More than I fear love?
Because that's what I fear most
I fear loving like I did
And being hurt like I was
Again
I fear giving my all to someone
Placing my unwavering trust in them
And having them turn around and say it again
And have them turn around and break me again
"I don't love you"
"You're not the one I want"
Or my personal favourite:
"I made a mistake"
"It didn't mean anything"
So you see
I'm not scared of death
I'm scared of life
I'm scared of not being able to handle life
I'm scared of loving and being broken
I think
Why I can't do it
Why I can't end everything like every part of me wants to
Is because
In some small way
I want to believe
I want to believe that I will be able to live a good life
To love and be loved in a beautiful way in which I don't doubt the faithfulness and genuineness of my lover
As much as I want to die
As much as I hate my life
As much as I wish I was never born
There's always a chance it'll get better
Right?
YOU ARE READING
Slick Depression
RandomI pour my heart and soul into you. I give you my time. My money. My love. My trust- something I don't give freely And I'm still not enough. **gets better as you go, I promise** Inspired by @revengeavenue Self Restoration. Amazing poems in there...
