addict in the clouds (joshler) | ✔️

So Devoid Of Color He Don't Know What It Means

tyler could feel himself being jolted up to the mind state. but he didn't want to face patrick. he was basically josh's guardian angel; this was basically his own wrongdoing.

the setting of the heaven was white and spotless, like as if you must have bare, clean feet and an hour long shower before you came in. the white was so boring, so pale, he could immediately see patrick sitting on the ground yards away, head in his knees, but identified by the fedora resting on his head.

tyler wasn't sure of what to do, so he awkwardly coughed to get patrick's attention. the fedora raised a little bit. tyler could see his eyes.

"what do you want?" patrick asked, not in a way that he angrily spat the words out of his mouth like they were spoilt milk, but it wasn't in a fully voice cracky, quiet sound where he was shaking with tears and sounded soft. it was kind of in the middle.

tyler walked over until he was towering over him, and shook his head slightly.

"i'm so sorry, patrick. you realize as much as i do that i could have basically stopped josh. this is all my fault that he hurt pete. i can't apologize enough."

patrick looked at him for a minute, then gave tyler a half-smile.
"living's just a waste of death." he whispered.
tyler tilted his head to the right. "excuse me?" he asked, not sure why patrick responded that way.

"living is just a waste of death. when i died, and found pete afterwards, those were the only words i could see. in his journals, ones he used for writing songs and poetry, those words took their place, he scrawled them on margins of homework, in his room, in morning too early for anyone to be awake, i'd listen to him muttering, 'living is just a waste of death. living is useless. just a waste. i don't want to waste death any longer'. i saw him scramble those words around on his suicide note. and say my name as he grabbed a bottle of pills. thank god for our intertwining between states of matter, tyler, because if it weren't for that, i would have to watch him die in his own bedroom. he had been weak since then. i know, you'd probably think i'm making a big deal out of one of my old boyfriends being slapped senseless, but it's when i remember that, anything could trigger anything."

tyler looked down and bit his lip.

"but, thank you, tyler, for apologizing. it wasn't your fault, it wasn't josh's fault. seeing scars, he probably remembered what happened, and acted out of fear. i forgive you. now go down and protect him."

patrick stopped crying, and a little color had returned to his face. tyler faded away from his view, and the seventeen year old sat on the ground and looked as joe and andy came back on sight of seeing their friend unconscious, and the guy their friend was with gone.