My Superhero

Chapter 17

My bed has officially turned into my own personal kingdom.

After Scott had walked me home, I went straight to my room, closed all the curtains and turned on the fairy lights. I had too much on my mind, and the coziness helps me think. I was awestruck with how beautiful the room

looked with the glow of the tiny bulbs all around.

Sitting in the middle of my bed, I felt like I was in my own world, with nothing but my thoughts running around and the soft music playing in the background.

My thoughts seemed to be going in only one direction: Scott.

Guilt was clawing its way through my chest. I felt horrible for internally swearing at him for being a jerk to me. If only I had known that the reason why he was acting so distant was because I reminded him of his deceased girlfriend…

I couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be for him to just look at me. The guilt in my chest swelled and doubled, making my breathing ragged and my heart clench.

My heart.

Jason.

At the thought of his name, my heart did a triple somersault. On cue, the guilt in my chest exploded, making me groan in frustration. We had barely said a word to each other on the whole ride back from the mall. The tension between us was almost palpable.

My fingers subconsciously traveled up to my lips, feeling their soft surface. If I closed my eyes real tight, I could almost feel the tingle his lips had left on mine.

I like him. I like Jason. There’s really no other explanation to the way I felt towards him. I mean, my heart does not go insane in my chest every time I saw Steve or Scott. It just goes crazy for him.

If I called him a platonic friend, I’d be the biggest liar in the world. Platonic friends don’t make each other’s hearts beat faster. Platonic friends don’t look at each other the way he looks at me. They don’t induce smiles and blushes every time they see each other.

And most of all, platonic friends don’t kiss.

All the arguments were valid, but I still couldn’t let myself fall deep. I couldn’t let myself fall at all. Nick had damaged me. I can still recall Miranda’s shock at how normal I had looked when I’d overheard one of my classmates talk about seeing him leave her neighbour’s house in the early morning. Her female neighbor. Two days in a row.

I had simply walked up to him, told him I don’t have respect for cheaters, then walked away, ignoring his shouting and pleading for a second chance.

If only it had been that easy on the inside.

I’d cried for days, practically locked myself in my room and just bawled my eyes out.

It hurt. Not just the fact that he’d given our relationship away so easily. No, it was the aftertaste of the relationship that burned like peppermint mouthwash. The flashbacks, memories, and dreams were all too much to handle, and they tore me apart.

Yes, it had been hard. But I’d managed to get over it. I’d even managed to forgive him. I can honestly say that I felt no contempt towards him. That doesn’t mean the mark he’d left on my heart was gone. A cut that deep lasts for a lifetime.

It scares me sometimes. What if I’m missing out on so many opportunities to be happy? Jason was just so… whole. Complete. Or maybe it was just him that makes me complete. Or maybe I complete him.

No. That couldn’t be. Of course I didn’t, I’m not good enough, that I know. I’m merely a face for his comic.

But then why would he kiss me?