Built To Be Stronger

Chapter 17

I couldn't help but think the world was trying to bring me down, my mind hurt as my heart was trying to speak louder. My switch so close already and it was just the beginning. I wasn't able to switch it manually unless I was turning it off, I was a mess underneath this. Whatever I am anymore, Sophia will kill me if she ever gets out I know the for a fact, I can feel all the rage. I just can't show it.

Sebastian was a horrible mate, a horrible person in general. I get the hate that Sophia feels for him, I just don't get the point of it anymore. He's meant to be with me, even when I'm at my worst I still feel like it will work out. A small inkling of hope that I got when I was alone. Like I am fighting my own battle all the time. When I'm around other people I can't hear the voice, I can't focus on my life or the wrongs I've done.

Sebastian is something else, I don't understand him. Bipolar would be the first word that comes to my mind, but after fifteen years in this constant battle I could get that part. I just don't want to be that.

Looking up to the moon it was red, still. Letting me know while this stage I'm stuck in that I'm not on her path, I'm no longer her child. She can't help me.

I felt that.

"Well someone knows how to pick a fight." I turn around and I look as Sebastian leans against a tree crossing his arms with a serious look on his face. I was lost, and he was the cause but I couldn't do anything about it. The switch was stuck. Jammed almost.

"Yeah, he pisses me off, I'm not anyone's property." I say looking at his feet before meeting his eyes, he could feel what I said most likely taking him off guard.

Standing up he walks over to me closely, watching as I ignored his gaze, focusing it hard on my face.

"Is someone feeling?" He says it like it's a curse to feel, going back to the dark side. He went to my side and watched as I looked up to the sky, watching as the blood moon cursed me out. "Ah, you're on the edge. You'll get used to it, it does take a while. You go through very powerful stages until you become... well-"

"You," I finish the sentence for him, looking into his eyes. Putting an arm around my shoulder he pulls me close into his side, it seemed like I wasn't the only one feeling. "I'll become you." He sighs and his head drops, looking down at me, watching as I avoid his gaze.

"You'll get used to it, I did." Pulling myself away from his body I start to hug myself keeping me warm. I wouldn't accept anything from him, I was independent. Or at least I need to be.

"I am not going to be you. I may not give a rats ass about people, but I won't be you." He took that as an insult, as he should. Growling he couldn't control as he shifted, ripping his clothes as he howled at the moon. He wanted me to shift but, it was almost as if it was impossible, my body wouldn't allow it.

Barking at me he wanted me to follow orders, and I shook my head, I wasn't a defective shifter. He just needed to be sure of that, so I'd just have to ignore him.

Turning around I face my back to him, my arms crossed, held close to my chest. I lower my head feeling a wet nose press against my shoulder, pushing me forward to shift. When he nudges me again I fall onto the ground, but he is on me again his nose pushing me into the ground. Wanting me to shift and fight back, no matter how hard I tried my bones wouldn't move. I was stuck like this.

"I can't shift okay!" I growl out turning around snapping at him as his paw claws at my leg, I yell out as it draws blood. He thought I was making excuses. I grab his nose and pinch as hard as I could he growls and whines at me and yanks his face away. Giving me a chance to run back to the pack house, although this dress wasn't letting me run to my full potential.