Dear Evan Hansen Imagines

Requiem

I felt like writing to make up for the fact that I haven't uploaded in a while and won't until Wednesday and I've been playing with this idea for a while.

Warnings: swears, death, suicide, the Murphys grieving/not grieving over Connor. Kinda ooc Connor?? Idk I cried reading this and also listened to A Little Bit of Light and made references to it in Cynthia's bit so ahh.

Plot: Connor during Requiem basically.

•••••

    Why should I play this game of pretend?
     Remembering through a secondhand
      sorrow?
     'Such a great son and wonderful friend'
     Oh, don't the tears just pour

     Connor watched as his sister looked down at the letters. He was never good and reading expressions other than anger or hatred, that being the only expression he had ever been met with and one he'd gotten accustom to. Zoe's face seemed sad, but disgusted in a way. Disgusted at the letter in her hand, similar to how Connor felt since they weren't his actual words, but different because that's not why Zoe felt that way about the letters. She read over them and shook her head, seeming sarcastic as she mumbles to herself.
     "Wow, he's such a great son, and obviously a wonderful friend. Well don't the damn tears just pour at that," she mumbles sarcastically, rolling her eyes and tossing the letters down on her bed, sitting down and crossing her legs at the foot of her bed. Connor does the same, sitting at the head of her bed with his legs brought up to his chest, his arms holding them closer to him. The bed didn't dip when he sat, as he no longer had weight to make it do so.

     I could curl up and hide in my room
     There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow
     I could give in to all of the gloom
     But tell me, tell me what for?

     He heard a sniff and looked up. Was Zoe... crying? Why the fuck would she be crying? She should be happy, celebrating even. She could have a normal life now that her freak of a brother is gone. He stares at her and she shakes her head, mumbling to herself once more as she sniffs and wipes the tear from her cheek.
      "No, no, no, I won't give in, what's the point in doing that?" She chuckles to herself, but it's dry. She doesn't smile like she does when she's happy and giggling, and Connors surprised to find it breaks his heart to see she isn't the happy girl she always was.

     Why should I have a heavy heart?
     Why should I start to break in pieces?
     Why should I go and fall apart for you?

     Connor jumps a bit as Zoe stands up abruptly. She takes the letters from where they lay on her bed and holds them, skimming them as a few more tears fall.
     "Fuck you, Connor. Fuck you. Why should I be crying over you? You don't deserve this. You don't deserve the satisfaction of making me cry. I won't fall apart for you," she says, switching between looking up and looking at the letters in her hand. Connor stand slowly, his eyes never leaving his sisters face. He feels oddly calm, and solemn, feeling he's never felt before. Why would Zoe be so broken over his death?

      Why should I play the grieving girl and lie
      Saying that I miss you
      And that my world has gone dark without
      your light?
      I will sing no requiem tonight...

     "No, I won't grieve you, Con, why should I? I... I don't miss you, I won't lie and say I do," Connors surprised yet again at his emotions as he chokes on tears he didn't want to fall. Why was he so hurt that Zoe said she wouldn't miss him? He focuses on her words rather than how she says them, not noticing her hesitation and stutter as she claims to not miss him, "My life is gonna get better without you here, I-I won't have to fear for my life anymore," she walks over to a bookcase, Connor follows, making sure to keep a safe distance, as if she could turn around and tell him to fuck off at any moment. As if she could actually see him. She grabs a picture frame, Connor getting closer to look over her shoulder st the picture. It's a photo of the two of them, probably at age 7 and 8. Both have gap-toothed grins at the camera, holding baskets of apples. The hand that isn't occupied by the apple basket is around the other. Connor feels more tears fall. It's been so long since he'd been in Zoe's room, he realizes now he didn't know what it looked like now, and he had no idea she kept this picture of them, or any for the matter. Zoe lets out a sob and hold the frame close to her chest.
     "I will sing no requiem for you, Connor, not tonight," she cries, Connor hesitantly putting a hand on her shoulder. She looks at the shoulder, as if she can feel his presence, before closing her eyes and letting more tears fall.