Dear Evan Hansen Imagines

Sunshine Part One (Ben Platt x Reader)

Prompt: requested by @just-another-imagine-writer : "Ben Platt/Reader in which reader is super anxious (generalized anxiety) and he tries to help as best as he can and tells her about how brave they are/how Evan would have handled his anxiety (since the reader heavily depends on Evan Hansen's character as well as Ben himself) *screaming internally bc I don't like asking off anon but I'm pretty sure you could write this way better than I coULD!!!*"

IM SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG FUCK

*Gender neutral Reader btw!!*

Warnings: anxiety, anxiousness, spoiler to the first lines of the show ig,

This is two parts bc I felt like this was too long to add a part about Ben helping the reader by saying what Evan would do. 💕💕

I said I while ago I wasn't gonna write anymore cast member fics bc I didn't feel like I could know them well enough to get their personality perfectly accurate but here you go it's an exception bc this prompt is so cute and I feel like I can get Ben pretty accurate after being a ben platt stan™ for like 5 years now lmao. Also I'm so flattered that you think I could write this so good tysm!!!!

Honestly I did so much research for this I didn't wanna fuck up the GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) parts and not describe them well because I didn't want to not make it serious enough or just get it wrong bc GAD exposure (or any mental illness exposure) is so important to some people and if I'm gonna contribute to that exposure I'm not gonna get the info wrong!!! Source credits is Wikipedia tho tbh I read the entire wiki article on GAD. Also I tried to include Reader helping Ben too since Ben has anxiety as well so!!! Cute fluff of such a healthy helpful relationship!!!

Nickname (and title) credit to @chelykat451-blog Tysm!!!!

•••••

       You had cried the first time you went to see Bens show. It was a clear memory for you, going to the Music Box Theatre much earlier than when the show was set to start. It was the opening night for their move to Broadway, so the street leading up to the theatre was crowded with cameras, fans, and interviewers all dying to get a glimpse of the cast. Ben brought you with him early, hoping that the rest of the cast and crew wouldn't be mad about him bringing you backstage. You could hear the crowds from down the street, and your increasingly clammy hand began to unconsciously tighten around Bens. He looked at you, knowing your feelings of anxiety reciprocated his own and feeling sympathy. Pulling the hood of your jacket tight, you and Ben walked fast towards the stage door, you on the inside closest to the building, him on the outside waving to fans and smiling to a few before he got to the door, letting you two in.
       Once inside the door you let out a shaky breath you didn't know you were holding, closing your eyes and leaning against a wall, letting your head fall back against it. Ben hesitantly grabbed your shoulders, almost pulling away when you jumped at the contact. You leaned into his chest though, not letting him pull away just yet. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head.
       "Hey, you were so brave, okay, Sunshine?" He said, using his nickname for you, a reference to your large love for the Beatles song Here Comes The Sun, "I'm so proud of you, you did it! Go Y/N!" Ben whispered into your hair, kissing your head again as you giggled into his chest. Pulling away slowly, he looked into your eyes and gave you a reassuring smile, before taking your hand in his and leading you up the stairs to his dressing room, where you stayed while he got ready for the show. You sat on the couch in his room after stripping off your coat and watched while he prepared. It was mesmerizing watching him put on his costume and get his hair and makeup done. He was so dedicated and focused and you couldn't be more proud of him. When it reached seven they opened the doors for the nights audience to enter, the rush of the pushing crowd getting louder as more people filed into the theatre. You rubbed your right thumb against the palm of your left hand nervously, bouncing your leg as you knew eventually you'd have to go to your seat and you were sure something would go wrong somehow. Ben noticed your anxiety and walked over, kneeling in front of you on the floor, resting his chin on your knee that wasn't bouncing, his hands resting on your waist.
       "It won't be long, Sunshine, okay? You'll only be out there for forty-five minutes and then I'll be onstage, okay? Just forget everyone around you and focus on me." Ben said, looking up into your nervous eyes. You looked up from your hands and met his eyes, giving him a reassuring close mouthed grin, silently telling him you would be okay and could do this. You stood up, him following, and wrapped your arms around him in a big hug.
       "I love you, and I'm so unbelievably proud of you, Benny," you told him, feeling slightly emotional as you thought of this journey and all that Ben had done, "Now, break an arm!" You said, joking about the cheesy 'break a leg' saying and his characters broken arm. He snorted, his nose crinkling as he laughs.
       "Thank you. I love you too, you nerd," He kissed your forehead before you left his warm embrace, leaving his dressing room and going through a series of doors and down many sets of stairs until you got to your seat. It was in the front toe, with the rest of the friends and family of the cast, next to Ben's parents and siblings. You smiled at his mom as you sat next to her, your seat being on the outside of the row so nobody was on your left side. She talked excitedly to Bens father for the next forty minutes while you continuously rubbed your thumb on your hand.

~~~~~

       After the never ending forty minutes wait, the show started. You watched, tearing up at the sight of your boyfriend on stage, on Broadway, the lead in a show. You knew he was fulfilling his dream, and you couldn't describe the pride you had for him.
       "Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day, because, because all you have to do is just... just be yourself... and also confidence..." Ben began to ramble as his character, the audience and you included giggling at his nervous rambling. Soon enough, Rachel entered the stage as his mom, but your eyes were still glued on Ben. You noticed his anxious behavior and how he began chewing his nails and messing with the hem of his shirt and you teared up once again. You didn't stop crying even after the show ended, many hours later.

~~~~~

       "Oh my god, Benny, that was beautiful!" you say excitedly as you walk down the hallway backstage to meet up with Ben. He was sweaty and has tears staining and snot covering his face, but you didn't care. You ran up to him and pulled him into a tight hug, still crying hard from the show.
       "Thanks, Sunshine! You liked it? Oh I'm so glad you liked it!" Ben said with just as excitement, his nose crinkling in happiness again.
       "Liked it? I loved it!" You pulled away and wiped your tears, even though t was pointless as more continued to fall. Even if Ben wasn't the lead, the show was still amazing and meant a lot to you. It was very emotional for you being able to see representation of a teen with anxiety, since you were diagnosed when you were fifteen and had dealt with generalized anxiety ever since. Ben knew this, and had told you about the show and character when he first landed the part, telling you that he wanted to use some of your ticks and traits to help make Evan more realistic. You agreed, of course, wanting to see a realistic anxiety representative in media.
       "You did great, Benny, that was perfect." You cried, grabbing each side of his face and giving him a kiss. He rested his hands on your tear-stained cheeks as well, kissing back just as passionately as you did to him.