Safety Pin ; Cielois

Chapter 6 - Just like you

It had been 2 months since the last time he faced Alois.

It was as if the fair-haired man had vanished without a trace. Ciel tried everything, sought him everywhere.

He went to the psychiatric center but was denied access each time. He gathered the courage to drive to his mother's house, who vehemently slammed the door in his face without even listening to him .

He even rushed to the hospital, in case Alois was still hospitalized, but he wasn't. And the doctors didn't flinch; all information about the patients was to remain strictly confidential.

Ciel didn't get the chance to tell Alois what he needed to , and he was aware it would torment him for the rest of his miserable existence.

"If you are crying, fight against it! If you're regretting, walk forward! Only complaining on your misfortune, you're nothing but a common pig!" Those words were reverberating inside of his head.

Words that Ciel once proclaimed with an ostentatiousness that made him cringe now.

This sentence used to be his arrogant manner of putting himself above pain. But here he was, acting like a mere common pig, and the ghost of his arrogance wasn't helping in any way. It made him feel dumb and uncomfortable more than anything.

Confining himself at home in desperation wasn't like him. What had he become?

He had lost all pretense, lazing down on his worn-out couch most of the time. Crushed with sorrow and grief, he was too afflicted to even budge.

At the back of his head, he had the wicked hope his withdrawal from the external world would spark some disquietude. But nobody seemed to care. Nobody made the effort to try and contact him. Not even Sebastian.

- " As if anyone cared about me..."

The only persons that had been calling him were his parents. He doubted their intentions were kind and never answered.

He had been fired from his job weeks ago, due to his recurring lack of attendance and the degradation of his work . His affliged state prevented him from seeking another profession.

His bills had begun to pile up alarmingly. Crawling back to his parents and undergoing the disappointment of his father was above his strength though.

He became a ragdoll without a breath of life or any form of motivation . He would probably would never see Alois again.

He was still trying to wrap his head around this fact . It was probably better this way, but Ciel still felt the irrepressible desire to save him. He really wished he could.

He started downing alcoholic beverages in a total blur, hopelessly trying to drown his sorrows in the alcohol.

He knew this wasn't the right thing to do, that he wouldn't escape this state of lethargy with such an idle and self-pitying behavior.

He was aware that the responsible comportment would be to get up, to move on , but he simply couldn't. He didn't want to.

Alois wasn't the only thing messing up with him. His encounter with the blond had simply woken up an underlying sadness and gnawing guilt that he had repressed for years.

He had nothing left to live for. Ciel wasn't living, he was simply surviving, and he had been feeling this way for years now. The young man always felt like he didn't belong, like he was a mistake.