Safety Pin ; Cielois

Chapter 25 - Doubt

I grabbed my sweater, my shoes and ran out of the apartment, barely taking the time to close the door behind me. This was an emergency.

I'm not really in the shape to an not run a marathon, so I have to take a damn bus. Why do they have to be so fucking slow ? I chew my nails to the bone , my anguish growing with each station.

My hands couldn't stop shaking. All I wanted was to see Ciel. His presence alone would calm me down.

As soon as I arrived at my station, I bolted out from the bus and ran faster than ever.

When I finally arrived at the hospital, out of breath, I immediately recognized Sebastian, and I had a dazzling desire to punch him but this wasn't the time.

He was accompanied by Mr and Mrs Phantomhive. Ciel's father didn't say anything and simply looked at me weirdly and. This was reassuring . He even gave me a brief salute before we entered the hospital.

- Where is he ? I asked Sebastian in a shaky voice. What exactly happened ?

- I don't know . They are preparing him for an operation. He got involved in a car crash and a iron bar got lodged in his stomach. The doctors won't make any assumption on his state. Sebastian explained , his tone flat but his features betraying his worry .

If the doctors didn't want to say anything, it meant his case had to be serious... I tried to stay calm, but inside, I was breaking down. Ciel...

- Why are you here and why did you call at Ciel's if you knew if was here ? I had a bad feeling about this .

- The Phantomhive were at my place when the hospital called them to announce the news . To be honest , I just saw a good occasion to confirm my suspicions . So I was right, you do live with him. Ciel never got that Shirley girl. She was too hot for him.

Our secret had been discovered, but that's not what worried me the most at this moment. Sebastian's unawareness about me being Shirley didn't even made me want to laugh.

I followed Ciel's relatives into the waiting room. Fucking hell. What if he dies? What was I supposed to do with my life ? He was all that I had ?

I ended up leaving the hospital. I wasn't fleeing , I just needed to breath . Almost as soon as I'm out, I felt my stomach twisting and the urge to vomits bended my body in two. I rushed to the nearest trashcan and emptied the contents of my stomach in there. I didn't know if this is the sudden emotion or if this was a new crisis arising. I hoped it wasn't.

Fresh air made me feel good so I stayed outside for a little while. Then, I went back into the hospital, heart heavy . A few minutes later, a doctor approached us. Looked like we'll finally have news.

- Well...

This man had information that could change a lot. My breath hitchef in my throat. What if he told us that Ciel was going to die? I'm the one who's supposed to be sick, I never imagined myself in the place of the one who learns the other's death . I'm the one who was supposed to be the dying, and Ciel should have been in my shoes . I'm almost angry with him, why did he have to be foolish enough to get involved in a car crash ?

It felt like my heart is beating out of my chest. I was worried about the results, it all felt like a nightmare you can't wake up from. This was horrible.

I tried to prepare myself for what the doctor might say, but I knew this was useless. We aren't as badly protected as when we're in love. Why ? First Luka , now him. I wouldn't stand it if Ciel died because of driving.

- Your son was seriously injured during this accident. He addressed Ciel's parents, ignoring me and Sebastian. An iron bar got lodged itself in his stomach. We'll have to operate him.This isn't exempt of risks.

- W-What are the odds of him dying ? asked his mother, her face strikingly white.

Her son was alive, but he was still in great danger so I understood her concern. If he had an iron bar in the stomach, he was going to be cloistered here for a while .

- We sent him to the recovery room. He'll be operated in about half an hour. If it's successful, we'll have to keep him under surveillance, in case the iron caused an infection. The doctor explained.

- I see. Vincent sighed.

It was safe to assume that the doctors was going to say something like that. I was used to doctors and this one was like all the others, emotionless, tactless, professional.

They show no compassion for a patient's relatives. It would be too depressing for them to care about all their patient's fates.

- Can we see him? Asked Sebastian. Finally an interesting question . I would have liked to ask it myself but I didn't dare talk too much.

I didn't want to draw attention to me, it was already a miracle that Ciel's parents let me in with them without asking me questions

- Yes, but not all at the same time. The doctor answered before going back to his buisness.

-Very well. Rachel , you go first. almost ordered her husband.

I watched Mrs. Phantomhive heading towards the room where Ciel was, with little assurance. I myself wasn't very confident. I had to see him to calm myself.

I was alone with Sebastian and Mr. Phantomhive. I expected the worst. But Sebastian simply sat on a chair , hands in his pockets . He seemed anxious.

I sat on the only free seat , in front of Sebastian but I avoided looking at the tall man . I was little surprised he didn't want to talk to me. Even if it arranged me, I found it surprising.

My hands were shaking and my legs kept trembling uncontrollably. I needed to see him, to know how he was going, to hear him talk. I was divided, I was angry with myself for experiencing such feelings, and yet I was in this hospital I hated , waiting to see him. I couldn't leave. I knew love only brought pain , but Ciel was hard to resist.

Her mother left the room ,teary-eyed. I was scared for a moment but her lips were curved upwards in a slight smile. Ciel had to be alright.

- He's awake ! She exclaimed, still pale. He's very weak, but he can talk a little.

- I'm going to see him. Sebastian simply as he got up. It made me fucking angry.I cared about Ciel a lot more than he did ! But, as his relative , he had the priority .

- Don't you want to see him first, Vincent ? asked Rachel , brows furrowed.

- No. Let's just get over with this quickly. He growled, rubbing his temples. He's going to cost me a fortune in hospitalization expenses . I'm nice enough to pay for this little ungrateful brat !

- But love , he's your so- Rachel countered timidly before her husband cut her abruptly.

- Silence ! Don't make a scene here ! he ordered, almost violently grabbing her wrist. Don't anger me, got it ?

She bowed down her head and remained silent. Sebastian left quickly , looking as embarassed as me.

Time passes leisurly in this tense atmosphere . Ciel's father was constanly tapping the tip of his shoe on the floor while his mother's eyes remained glued to the floor . I hope Sebastian will be quick. I wonder what he's going to tell his cousin. " Serves you right ?"

Mrs. Phantomhive eventually looked up and stared at me. Why is she looking at me like that? This feels really uncomfortable . Had she understood that Shirley was in reality Alois ?

- Excuse me but ...who are you ? she asked in a quiet voice.

Phew. She didn't even recognize me.

- A friend of Ciel ... Joanne Harcourt. I improvised, holding out my hand.

That was the first name that came to my mind. It seemed to me that Ciel used to hang with him back in high school. Unlike most people, he was okay.

- Nice to meet you. I would have liked to meet you in other circumstances. she said sadly, shaking my hand.

I simply nodded , throat constricted from the tears I was holding in. Ciel, in which state are you ?

How long would have I to wait before I could hold him in my arms ?