Nyla
I walked through the townhouse astonished by how it looked. It was just the right size, the downstairs had the most beautiful cherry wood floors. The upstairs had plush cream carpet, not to mention the spacious bathrooms and the fireplace in the living room. It was everything I would ever want in a house.
Very elegant but also child friendly, I can already picture Skylar and I living here, happy and worry free. The realtor came back into the room to see if I had made my decision on whether I liked the property or not.
"So, how do you feel about the house?"
"I absolutely love it! I'll take it"
"Alright then. Just let me get the paper work"
I smiled excitedly, I can't wait to finally move and start fresh. There has been nothing but trouble here in Baltimore. I haven't necessarily told Julian the location of the house. The only thing he knows is that I went to look at a potential house.
I'm not sure how he's gonna feel. Its not that much of a distance, it'll be a little over a 3 hour drive. He can always relocate. I'd understand if he didn't want to, because his work is here in Baltimore.
I quickly got my thoughts together as the lady came back with the paper work. After looking over the documents, I was about to sign. Just when the pen hit the paper I thought about how this may really affect Julian. I would hate to feel like I'm ripping Skylar out of his arms before he has even gotten a feel, of what it's like to be a father.
But then I thought about Santana, and all the bad things that I've been through here. This move will definitely be beneficial to me and my child, it's a new and old environment. I just might reconnect with my parents, after 5 years.
"Ma'am are you ok?"
I was so deep into my thoughts that I never even signed the paper. Taking a deep breath I signed on the dotted line. Right now I can't worry about how this move will affect everyone else.
The only thing I'm worried about is taking my child and moving someplace safe. I wrote the check and grabbed the keys, I'm officially a home owner. Checking the time I noticed it was late in the afternoon. I mentally prepared myself for this semi long drive back to Baltimore.
My mood was great, I feel so happy. The drive home was silent, every now and then I would start singing just because. I'm super excited to be moving back to my hometown. I just hope my parents accept me back into their lives, I want Skylar to know about his grandparents.
If they don't, I'll just have to move on and continue living my life. As I pulled up to the hospital I turned my radio down. Only a few more days until Skylar gets to come home.
Gathering my belongings, I got out of my car. Thanks to Julian I now have a new car. He's been trying to prove to me, that he can step up as a father and win my heart back. I'm not to sure about him winning it back, don't even get me started on Lyric. I really thought he was different, but no he was your typical dog ass nigga.
The few days that we spent together while Skylar was still unconscious, I really started to fall for him. I've always liked him but being afraid to put my heart on the line. I ignored any feelings I had for him. Long story short he was very upfront with what he wanted.
Like most men, Lyric just wanted to fuck. Somehow he knew about the agreement between Santana and I. Lyric approached me one day before I got into my car and basically asked if we could be friends with benefits and how much I'd charge. To say I was hurt and offended is an understatement.
No matter how bad I really wanted to cry, I didn't. I held my head high and went on with my day. It still bothers me that he would ask something like that, but I guess everyone wants something.
Just thinking about it, makes me mad. I thought maybe he was different, he acted like a gentleman. Not once did he ever make me feel like I was just another female that he wanted in his bed. Boy did he have me fooled, I guess I don't have good luck with men.
By the time I shook those thoughts away I was standing outside of Skylar's room. I pushed the door open, going in. Skylar was asleep which caused me to frown, I thought he'd still be up. Putting my bag down I sat in the chair next to Julian, who was so into his paper work he hadn't noticed me sit down.
"Julian"
He looked up, closing the folder before putting it back in his bag.
"When did you get back? Sky kept asking for you"
"I just got back, you were so busy in your papers you didn't notice. I tried to get back before he went to bed"
"I'm working on a big case, this client is huge.. it's stressing me out"
"Why? You've dealt with big cases before. Why is this particular one stressing you out?"
"With everything going on I just haven't been able to focus"
"I'm sorry.."
"For what?"
"I know everything with Skylar is causing you stress. If I would have been a better mother, none of this would be happening"
"No if anyone is to blame its me. If I would have taken responsibility as a father you wouldn't have met Santana. Therefore it's my fault, and I'm sorry. I know I've apologized already but I just don't feel like it's enough. My child means more to me than work, I could always have another lawyer take over the case"
Really it's no ones fault but Santana's, he pulled the trigger and harmed my child not me or Julian. But I still feel guilty, the life I was living is the way no woman should.
I made a decision I swore I'd never make. It still bothers me today but I had to, I could never bring another life into this world knowing I couldn't financially take care of the one I already have. A few months ago I terminated a pregnancy, it bothers me because I think about that baby a lot.
It wouldn't have been right if I had that baby. I just couldn't depend on Santana to help me with another child.. I pray for that child's soul every night and ask for forgiveness because that is something I was raised to never do.
But in some situations you find yourself doing things you said you'd never do...
