Nyla
A lot has happen in the last three years. I've done things that I'm not proud of. Made stupid decisions, been dragged through the dirt but I'm still standing. It's funny how I always imagined my life being so much different than it is now.
Everything that has happened to me has been a learning experience. I learned that not everyone is who you think they are. The ones you think have your best interest don't. I'll admit that I fell for men who didn't care for me or my son. But now I know better, I know what I deserve and that's happiness.
I never reconnected with my parents simply because I have no idea where to start. Lets face it, Its been years and I don't know where they live anymore. It hurts because I wish they could see Skylar and Logan grow. Yes I said Logan, two years ago I welcomed my second baby boy.
Logan was definitely a surprise, but I'm happy being a mother of two. Julian and I broke up a few months after I found out I was pregnant with Logan. We just didn't work out, he found someone new and moved on. Finding out that he had been seeing another woman broke my heart.
Being as though in the beginning I was the one who wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to be with him. The moment I gave my all, our relationship ended. It took me awhile to move on but I did, it's life.
And guess what? He left my children again.. moved on to start a new family. It hurts because my kids are the ones who will suffer from this. He fed me lies and made me think, he'd never leave again and he did. Another pregnancy.. spent alone, another birth.. alone.
And yet another son, one he hasn't even seen since he was a week old. Two years, and not one phone call.. I think it would be so much easier if Skylar didn't constantly cry for his father every night.
He's five now so he knows more than he did before. He misses his father and as a mom I try my best to do what I have to do. But what I can't do is be his father, I wish I could but I can't.
I stood beside my boyfriend Jay, I've been with him for a little over a year and I think he's the one. He accepts my children and loves me unconditionally. After everything I've been through with Santana, Lyric and Julian I never thought I'd find love.
I looked at men different, but Jay helped me see that not every man is the same. That not every experience is bad, he helped me see the good in everything I've been through. Had I not met Santana I probably would have gotten my child taken away.
Living with Santana was a horrible experience but I gained something out of that. Strength.. I had to be strong to deal with such a sick, disgusting excuse of a man like him. I still look back and applaud myself for getting through that. Getting beat on and talked down upon should have been my breaking point.
I learned a lot from the situation with lyric, courage. Being stalked and threatened is frightening. I don't know how I was able to get through most of those crazy moments. Most of the time I felt like giving up, I had lost the ability to fight. But for my son and the help of Andrew I made it.
Then there was Julian... I think I learned the biggest lesson from that relationship. I should have gone with my heart, when I said I didn't wanna be with him anymore I should have stuck with that. But it's ok, I now know that everything he said was a load of bullshit. He promised me that he'd never walk away from our son or leave me, and he did that and more.
He was the one who wanted another son so bad, so that he could prove everyone wrong and be the best father he could be. And when it happened I guess he got cold feet and ran. Doing exactly what everyone knew he would do..
Julian now has 4 other kids with two different women. I can't say whether he takes care of them because I honestly don't know.. I'm back on my own. Back where I started off, only this time I have my own.
I can be the mother I want to be without having someone threaten to take things away from me. This definitely isn't how I wanted to raise my kids. I never wanted to be a single mother but with or without help. I'm gonna do my best to raise the most responsible, respectful, intelligent young men.
One thing I will say is, that this has all changed me in so many different ways. I'm so much more wiser, I know what I want and I will not stop going until I get what I deserve. This has been an emotional ride but non the less it has been a lesson learned. But one things for sure this ride isn't over yet...
This is the end, and I want to thank everyone who read, commented and voted! :)
