His Diary || Taekook

Chapter 1

Taehyung's POV

I felt panic rising in me as I adjusted my pants in front of the mirror. Today was the day.

Today was the day I would clean out the room of my dead best friend.

It still doesn't feel real to me.

The words "Jeon Jungkook" and "suicide" don't go together.

Or at least I thought they didn't.

I kept thinking about this until my mom's words brought me back to reality. "Tae, are you ready?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. "Yes, I'm coming!" I straightened my shirt one more time before running down the stairs.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, my mom was there waiting for me. She smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you for doing this, Tae. It will only be a few hours. It will be over before you know it."

I nodded, wanting to believe what she said, but I couldn't. I had a feeling in my gut that these would be some of the longest hours of my life.

I hopped into my my mom's car and strapped myself in. I didn't know if I was ready to do this. I didn't know if I was ready to clean out his room. Would it look different than before?

Would it feel different than before?

I thought about all these things as my mom drove to Jungkook's house. I didn't realize we're at his house until my mom said "It will be all right, okay?" I smiled at her before getting out of the car and walking towards the Jeon house.

The house was colored a shade of dark gray and had a strange amount of windows. It had a black roof and a pair of white double doors. Most people thought the Jeon house was huge, but it wasn't as big as everyone thought it was. I had been here plenty of times but I was slightly nervous, since the person I would usually go for wasn't going to be there.

And he is never going to be there again.

I lifted my hand up to knock on the door. The moment my fist hit the wooden door, it opened to reveal a broken Mrs. Jeon. Her hair was tousled like crazy and she was crying. She immediately hugged me and her tears began to wet my shirt. I felt so bad for the woman. She didn't deserve to feel like this.

After a few minutes of hugging and crying, Mrs. Jeon looked at me and said a few words. "Thank you for doing this Taehyung." I gave her a sad smile. "No problem." I didn't know if I should just go up to Jungkook's room or wait for Mrs. Jeon to tell me so I decide to ask. "Um...so should I go-"

"Go ahead, Taehyung. You know where his room is."

I walked as fast as I could towards the stairs to avoid the awkward atomosphere between Mrs. Jeon and I. Sadly, I walked too fast and before I knew it, I was standing in front of Jungkook's door. I didn't feel ready to walk in his room. What if it wasn't the same as before? What if everything changed? I took a deep breath as I opened the door to his room.

To my surprise, it was definitely the same as before.

It had the same morbid gray walls with superhero posters on them. It had the same black bed frame holding the same small mattress with its gray bedsheets. It had the same white doors, leading to his bathroom and his closet. It had the same brown desk in the corner of the room. And best of all, on that same desk, there was the same black photo frame holding a picture of Jungkook and I.

That picture was taken on our first day of high school. It was captured by my mother when Jungkook came over to my house after school. We had our arms around each other's shoulders and big smiles plastered on our faces. It was one of my favorite pictures of us and it made me happy to know that even in his last days, he still kept that photo up. The weird thing was that the other picture Jungkook kept on his desk, which was a picture of his family, was faced down.

I wonder why.

I took one step into his room and closed my eyes. I was trying so hard not to cry. Why did Jungkook kill himself? What was he hiding?

What made him feel so horrible that the only option to escape it was death?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my eyes. I needed to get it together and start clearing out his things. I wondered where I should start and decided on clearing out his desk first.

I walked over to the wooden desk and pulled open the drawers. They were full of notebooks, loose leaf paper, and things to write with. It was a lot messier than I expected, considering last time I came over it was as neat as can be. I began to pull out all the things when I realized I would need something to put them in. I decided to go downstairs and ask Mrs. Jeon where she wanted me to put Jungkook's old belongings.

I went downstairs to find Mrs. Jeon sitting in the kitchen, staring out the window with tears rolling down her cheeks. She must have been thinking very hard because she didn't even notice that I entered the room. "Um...Mrs. Jeon? Where would you like me to put...the things?" She turned her head and made eye contact with me.

"Just throw it away. All of it. Get trash bags and get rid of it."

I nodded and did as she said. I grabbed a box of trash bags from the pantry and headed back to Jungkook's room. I began to put the notebooks and paper into the trash bag when I noticed something among the pile of papers.

It was a black pocketbook.

It looked old and withered and seemed like it had been used very much. There were small pieces of the cover missing and it had tape on the spine to keep the cover attached to it. I reached for the book and read the words on the cover.

"Diary?"