His Diary || Taekook

Chapter 11

Taehyung's POV

9/8/17

Diary, I thought things were going to turn out good for me.

Oh shit, here it goes. This is probably going to be one of the moments where things start to go wrong for him.

I thought maybe the universe was on my side.

But I was wrong.

I don't know why I was stupid enough to believe things my be good in my life.

Guess what happened today?

Wait. This can't be what I think it is, is it? There's a high chance it could be but to be honest, I can't remember what day it happened.

My heart was broken today.

No, please don't let this be what I think it is. Please don't tell me I'm the reason my best friend decided to kill himself.

I saw Taehyung kissing someone today.

Damnit, it's exactly what I thought it was.

This girl named Park Sooyoung kissed me in the hallway that day. She said she liked me and didn't know how to confess. She was a really pretty girl but I didn't like her that much. I didn't even really kiss her back.

But it was clear he saw it, and that definitely affected him.

She pushed him up against the lockers and kissed him. He did exactly kiss her back but he didn't stop her. I started crying so I ran to the bathroom and I stayed away from Taehyung the rest of the day.

Oh my god, how the hell did I not notice that? I guess I'm realizing a lot of things I didn't notice today.

Why do I have to love someone who won't return the same feelings?

Luckily, I had a hoodie with me and I was able to hide my eyes but that still doesn't change the pain in my heart.

He doesn't love me the way I love him.

I know I would've if you just told me. You should've told me.

Nobody loves me. Why did I believe anyone would love me?

Jungkook, you knew I loved you, whether it was as a friend or even more.

Diary it's been a long day I think I'm going to sleep.

Goodnight.

I was so angry at myself right now. What had I done? Why didn't I push her off me, I mean it's not like I enjoyed it? I broke Jungkook's heart but most of all, I think I broke his hope. I think I was the pivotal moment where he felt life wasn't worth living.  

I cried into the pillow for about the third time today. I don't think I could take the pain of being responsible for his suicide. It can't be just my fault, there has to be something else.

I opened the diary and turned to the nineteenth page.