His Diary || Taekook

Chapter 7

Taehyung's POV

9/4/17

Hello diary!! Wassssup? How you doing? Thanks for asking, I'm actually not terrible besides the usual abuse.

Why? May you ask?

CUZ I REALIZED SOMETHING!!

What the hell did you realize that made abuse feel better?

IM GAY!!

My eyes widened, that was not what I was expecting. I didn't know my Kookie was gay. How cute!

I ALSO REALIZED SOMETHING ELSE!!

It's something I wished I would have realized sooner!! Can you guess it?

I stopped to think for a moment. What else could one realize about oneself? Maybe its a crush?

I LIKE TAEHYUNG!!

I felt my stomach drop as if I was riding a rollercoaster. He liked me? As more than a friend? He had a crush on me?

YES THATS RIGHT DIARY!! IM GAY!! AND ITS FOR TAEHYUNG!! #GAYFORTAE

I laughed louder than I should've at the hashtag Jungkook made. Even when he's not alive, he always makes me laugh my ass off.

Do you think he might like me too?

Nah, of course not. I'm expecting to much. Who the fuck would like me?

Anyways diary, I am happy that I learned something new about myself. I just hope my new discovery won't hurt me in the end.

I closed the book and lied down on his bed, deep in thought. He liked me? Was it possible? How did I not notice? I mean, I've always thought of Jungkook as just my best friend but, he was pretty cute and sweet. He was just a great person, gave the best hugs and even kisses sometimes. I mean, I also kind of thought about him when he was not around. And I guess I did get a little nervous whenever he got closer than usual and I definitely wouldn't have said no if he asked me out. 

At first, I felt the light, bubbly feeling of having a crush and thought "Holy shit, I like Jungkook." But then, life gave me a huge ass slap in the face. Jungkook was gone, and here I was, barely realizing how much I loved him. Tears began to run down my face again, wetting my already tear-streaked cheeks.

We could have been together, Kookie.

It could have been us against the world.

Now it's only me. Now it's Taehyung versus this cruel horrible hellhole of a universe that took you away from me.

I pulled the pillow to my face for a second time today, snuggling my face into it like a child does to its favorite stuffed animal. This time the sobs were louder. Something must have happened in the month leading up to his death to make him want to died, and it must have been something really bad. He still had some hope left it him here, so what diminished that fighting spirit of his?

I needed to know what that was.

I opened the pocketbook for about the hundredth time today and turned to the fourteenth page.