Lemme Use You To Love You ~ Halren

(9): You Didnt Deserve it Part 2

After I hit send, I look at myself in my vanity mirror. I've been crying on and off since this morning at her place. I honestly miss her. She's happy with another, and I shouldn't care. She made me feel things I didn't know were possible. She told me things, understanding that I wasn't perfect. I remember that moment.

*Flashback* Maybe triggering. You can skip if you want.

I woke up on a Thursday morning to the smell of blueberry muffins. With a smile on my face, I got out of bed and pit on a shirt. I enter the kitchen, seeing my beautiful girlfriend cooking breakfast. I go up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. She jumps and hits me with the spatula once she realized it was me.

"Fuck, Lauren! You scared the shit out of me!" I nibble on her ear, causing her to giggle. "I know. I was going for that." She cringes, "Go brush your teeth! Smelling like bounce that ass!" I childishly blow my breath in her face, making her playfully gag. "Laur, brush your damn teeth before I eat your food!" Fuck no, not my food! I quickly go to the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth.
***
After breakfast, we sat on the couch, watching some show on Netflix she likes. I don't even know what it's called. I had my arm around her when a certain part came up. It involved the main character being shut out by their parent and had a flashback of them being previously abused. She looks up at me and pats my stomach, "Baby, what's wrong?" I don't realize I was crying until she wiped my cheek.

I sniff and wipe the rest of my tears away. "Uh, it's, uh, it's nothing." She makes a disapproving look before pausing the show. "What's the matter?" I sigh and look over at her. Her brown eyes show concern. I bite my lip and sit up from my position. I stare into my lap with my elbows on my knees. "It's relatable," she rubs my back slowly. "What is?"

I look back to her and shake my head. "My parents used to abuse me when I was younger. When I came out as bi when I was 14, they beat me worse. There was nothing I could do since my parents appeared perfect to everyone else. I ran away one night with nothing, but a small duffle bag and $727 dollars. I was about 16. I ran down a couple of blocks to my best friend, Lucy's house and her parents let me stay. They bought necessities for me and tended my bruises. They showed me a love I never experienced." I take a breath, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"That was my senior year and my whole school life, I wore hoodies. I never told anyone. My siblings don't even know. They stayed with our grandparents the majority of the time. Lucy introduced me to you, Camila, Normani, Vero, and Ally. They welcomed me. I am truly blessed to have those girls in my life." I give her a small smile.

I wipe my face again, causing it to go red. She takes my wrists and looks into my eyes. "I love you, Lauren. I hate that you went through all of that. I wish I could take that away from you. You are brave and you're so fucking beautiful. I'm so happy to call you my girlfriend." She pulls me in and kisses my temple. "I told you that I wasn't perfect," I sniff. She shrugs, "Neither am I. But we're together and unashamed. I love you so much, Laur. Don't let nobody take your happiness from you." She kisses my lips lovingly and things led to another.

*End*

I chuckle bitterly to myself. The truest lie she's said. I hate myself for being so fucking blind. Camila saw it and warned me, but I ignored her. Hell, Ally warned me repeatedly and, me being hardheaded, shook her off. Fuck, I should've listened! I punched my mirror, immediately making it shatter. I continue to punch the remaining shards before I finally stopped. I ignored the pain in my hand like I did with Camz and Ally. I'm so fucking stupid. I look down at my dresser, looking into a shard. My reflection is bent, but I can see how fucked up I look. Not physically, but emotionally.

"Fuck it," I say, grabbing my keys and leaving out. Once I got to Ashley's, I got out the car, slamming it. I speed walk angrily up the two flights of stairs before coming to face with her door. I knock few times and wait impatiently for her to open up. I go to knock again, but a girl with two-toned hair opens the door.

"Can I help you?" She says. I notice she has a gap between her two front teeth. Cute. I step inside, "I'm looking for Ashley." She closes the door, "She's in her room, listening to music right now. Sit down and I'll get her up." I sit at the island and help myself to a piece of fruit in the little basket. I take a bite, chewing contently since I haven't eaten all day.

There's a moment of silence before I hear, "Lauren's here." Soon, Ashley walls in the main area, wearing red pajama pants and a Lana Del Rey T-shirt. My T-shirt. "What do you wanna talk about, Lauren?" She crosses her arms over her chest. That two-toned girl silently collected her things and side hugs Ashley before...KISSING HER ON THE LIPS?! WHO IS THIS GIRL ANYWAY? Once she left, I glare at her, "Who the hell is that?" She rolls her eyes, "My best friend, we're close."

She glances down and her eyes widen. "You're bleeding," I snatch my hand away. "We're not here to cater to my wounds." She sits on the couch and I turn the swivel stool to her. "Then why are you here?" I stand up, "I wanna set some things straight and get some answers. If I'm not satisfied, I'll leave."

"I want you to anyway. But I don't wanna see you right now." I scoff, "Should've said something when I texted you. Instead, you left me on seen." She rolls her eyes, "What do you want, Jauregui?" I stuff my hand that isn't injured in my pocket, "H-How do you know her?" She studies my features for a moment before answering, "I was her best friend in high school."

I furrow my eyebrows at that, "She never talked about you." She shrugs, "When Mel went to a new school in 7th grade, I was alone. She saw me one day and complimented my shirt. Since then, we were damn near inseparable. She claimed we'll be friends forever. Turns out, it was all a façade." I nod slowly, "She outted me to the whole school. Said I was a dyke and tried to fuck her." My eyes widen, "That was you?" She nods sadly. "She's gay herself, so...?" She shrugs. "I agreed to this between us because I thought I'd forget her. Ya never forget what hurt you." I look down at my fist then back at her, "She's the reason I don't love." She stands from her spot and makes her way over to me.

"When I met you, I realized not everyone is a liar like her. You told me in the beginning there wasn't an 'us'." I nod again. "But you made me love again, Lauren. I always believed that maybe you'd feel the same way," before I knew it, she's planting her lips on mine softly. It was the sweetest kiss I've ever experienced in my life. A fluttery sensation makes it way in the pit of my stomach and I abruptly pull away.

"Fucking stop that shit!" I yell. She wears an angry expression, "I know you felt it, too, you selfish piece of shit!" I feel my blood boil and I dunno why, "I will NEVER fucking love you! Get that through your fucking head!" She goes to the front door and opens it, "Get out," she says calmly. I glare at her as I walk out.

She slams the door behind me and I suck my teeth. I jog down to the car and sit there for a good minute before pulling out my phone. I tap the number I know way too well. They pick up on the third ring.

-Hello?

-Hey, are you doing anything today?

-Not that I know of.

Is the Mrs. home?

-She won't be home until a little after 12

-I'll be over in 10

-Are you angry?

-*exhales* Somewhat

-Okay...I'll leave the front door unlocked

I take one last look up at the complex before pulling out of the parking lot towards my destination.