Lemme Use You To Love You ~ Halren

(15): Words Don't Always Help

After what she told me, I nearly broke down myself. She's always been the type of girl with a hard exterior. Seems like a lot of people end up fucked up seeing or finding about shit like that. Infidelity is just...fucked up. Like, be loyal. It ain't that hard. Like seriously. I wanna fuck Dinah up.

Lauren moves from me, causing me to snap from my daze.

"The worst part is that...I still love her. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?!" I wrap my arms around her, shushing her softly.

"Look, we can't help it that our hearts are dumb little fucks. They don't know right from wrong. All they do is be disobedient and break themselves because we fucking let them." I'm speaking for myself mostly. This is exactly how I feel for her.

"A-and we put ourselves through HELL...trying to learn blind lessons. No matter how many times we tell it 'no' it does what it wants. You fuck around...loving something that doesn't wanna be loved. Y-you can't help, but-,"

"Shut the fuck up, Ashley," before I could snap back, she grabs my cheeks and her plump lips danced on mine. Her lips slightly salty from her tears. This kiss was different. Slow and steady.

Unlike our kisses when all we wanna do is get on the bed. Her lips are patient. Her stuttering breaths interrupts us a few times, but we don't stop.

I snake my arms around her waist, not wanting her to go anywhere. I'm having heart palpitations as it continues. I'm such a hypocrite.

She breaks off, her lips swollen and her eyes slightly red. I try to look for that feeling that possessed her to do that.

"I've been lying to myself," she whispers hoarsely. I furrow my eyebrows, ready to ask something, but she continues.

"When I started having feelings for you, I force myself to shut you out. Claiming I only love you for the sex. I've been in love with you for God knows."

Her bottom lip trembles, "I c-couldnt bring myself to. I didn't want to love again so soon. I don't expect anything from you, now. Say what you need to say...do what you need to do."

She starts to stand up, but I grab her wrist. "Stay, this once?" She looks at the front door and bites her lip. "You don't have to if you don't want to," I reassure.

Her eyes meet mine and I swear, my body did this weird tingly thing. Like it was uncomfortable, but pleasant. She opened her mouth like she was gonna say something, but closed it again.

She turns her attention to the door, contemplating. I stay patient since I don't want to scare her off. "OK," she says. I stand up along with her, placing my hand gently on her cheek. She relaxed, closing her eyes. I take the pad of my thumb and wipe the tears off of her cheek.

I pull her into me, resting my chin on her shoulder. Her breath hitches, meaning she's going to cry again. I close my eyes, rubbing her back. She let's out soft sobs, breaking my heart each second.

I rock her side to side, holding her tighter, but not enough to hurt her. "I'll fix you. Even if I don't all the way, I sure as hell will try. Ain't nobody gonna do this to you. Ever," I whisper.

Her crying becomes louder and she starts to crumble. Before she can ball up on the couch, I bring her to her feet. She buries her face in my neck, wetting the collar of my T-shirt. I take her into my room and lay her on the bed.

She looks up at me, eyes blurred with tears. "Thank y-you," she says breathlessly. I crouch down on the floor, smoothing her hair back.

A small smile plays on my lips, "Anything for you. Your scars were deeper than I thought. But Imma be here. I'm not going anywhere, baby girl."

New tears form, her lips try to turn up into a smile. She throws herself on me in a hug, "You're too good to me. Why?" I remove her off of me, and God, the vulnerable, child like look on her face almost made me cry.

"Don't question why I do things for you. I told you countless times, no matter how many times you turned me down, I love you. I fucking love you, Lauren Jauregui. Even after I found out I wasn't the only one, I still loved you."

"You love someone that's broken," she looks down. I lift her chin up, boring my eyes into hers. "We both are. Nobody is perfect, but I don't look at you any different. I don't care what you say, I'm still here."

Her eyes well up again, "What did I do to deserve you?" I kiss her lips, lingering slightly. I rest my forehead on hers, my hand running through her hair.

"You were just you. I'm glad I met you, Lauren."

"But I've been hurting you all this time."

"But that's the past. How are we now?"

She brushes her wet nose against mine, "What do you wanna be?" I smile, "Let's take it slow. You're obviously not ready for something serious and I can respect that. I won't force you to do anything."

She smiles genuinely for the first time today, "Thank you. How can I ever repay you for what I've done?" I shake my head, "Your presence is enough for me."