Beautiful (Jd x Veronica) discontinued

Chapter 19

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Things with J.D. have been incredibly weird since we kissed. It's like somehow he was able to distance himself even more. I understand that he's scared and not used to the feeling of being intimate with another person but, would it kill him to at least try?

I tried to grab his hand the other day and he just flinched and moved farther from me. I don't think he even noticed my frown when he did so.

Maybe it's wrong of me to crave so much from Jason. He's already told me that he isn't used to any of this. I understand I have to give him time but, I'm a teenage girl for crying out loud. I like the guy so I can't help but be tempted to grab him and just have intense make out sessions all the time. When I'm around him I feel intimidated yet, safe.

Being around Jason so much has caused me to really begin and analyze him. He uses his power to frighten people and scare them away. He does that so he doesn't have to worry about anyone being close to him. He also has a caring side to him that I get to see a glimpse of every now and then. Lately I've seen it a lot less.

We are currently in my living room, watching some boring movie that I'm hardly paying attention to. He's sitting on a different couch them me and his posture is incredibly stiff. It truly pains me that he feels the need to be far from me.

I mean, I think I might be in love with the guy. I know it's incredibly early to say that and I'm so young. I can't possibly understand love but, when I'm around him I feel things I have never felt before. When ever I do get the chance to touch him it's like electricity coursing through my veins. Of course this was something I could never admit to him. I mean I haven't even said something as simple as, 'I like you.'

          I'm sure he knows. Of course actions truly speak louder than words and the day he kissed me was one I'll never forget. He hasn't really brought it up since then. I don't even know what we are. It certainly feels like we're more than friends but, at the same time, it doesn't.

I glanced over at him again and caught him staring at me. He furrowed his brows as I'm sure my expression wasn't really the brightest due to me currently questioning what are relationship even is.

"Is everything alright, Ms. Sawyer?" He adjusted his body to lean on the arm of the couch he was sitting on.

"Yeah. Everything's great."

He sighed, "Listen if this is about Heather I-"

I shook my head. "No. I'm completely over that whole situation now. I'm just... overwhelmed."

          "Well if you're through with the Heather trauma then what's bothering you?"

          I looked down. Talking to Jason about our "relationship" was extremely odd. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable by bombarding him with questions about why he is distancing himself from me and why he doesn't even try to at least make this relationship real. I looked back at him. He was sitting there, patiently. I knew he was anticipating for an answer but, I just couldn't find the words.

We sat in silence for what felt like 10 minutes but, I'm sure it was only 2. He cleared his throat then proceeded to get up from his seat and sit on the couch next to me. There was still some space between us as he shifted to face his body towards mine.

"Is this about the kiss?" He whispered as if I would break if he spoke up any louder. I hesitated for second then nodded. He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm really trying here you know. It's weird. I mean being next to you feels right. That kiss felt right. It's just so hard to try and be the kind of guy you want."

"Oh god, Jason." I was now turning to face him completely. "I don't want you to be anybody but yourself. You don't need to be the man of my dreams to make me happy. Before you I was grasping for any type of popularity coming my way just to feel validated. You taught me that all of that is pointless. That none of it will matter in the future. I've never been happier than I am right now and don't you dare doubt that. That's anymore than any guy can ever give me."

"I- I guess I slightly understand that but, I know what you crave Veronica. It's obvious and I'm not an oblivious man. I can tell when we're walking that all you crave is a touch. I see your hand slightly twitch towards mine then shift away. I see your eyes gazing towards my lips whenever I lean in too close. I can tell Veronica. I'm trying to do all those things for you I really am. All I ask is for you to be patient with me."

"I am. I'm trying to be. It's just nothing something I'm used to you know." I scolded myself after that sentence, realizing it sounded as if I've had a ton of boyfriends. "Wait that's not what I meant. It's just-"

"You've never dealt with someone so broken, have you?"

             I was taken back. I always forget how straight forward J.D. could be sometimes. "I- I don't understand what you're talking about."

           He chuckled. "Of course you do. Veronica your whole life you've been surrounded by rich happy people who get what they want in a blink of an eye. I'm some middle class guy who has a deadbeat dad who couldn't give less fucks about his own son. The thought of being in a relationship with someone has never crossed my mind before because the only thing I ever had to worry about was if my father was going to be home or not. I know I'm a lot to handle and I completely see your distress. You know I would kiss you if I could."

           I slightly leaned in but, still remained far enough to where we weren't touching. "Then try. You can't go anywhere if you don't even try to take a step Jason."

          "You know I can't." He said looking in my eyes. He had a straight face as he always does but, I could see some sentiment in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

          "No. Jason." I mentally slapped myself. "I should be the one apologizing, not you. I can't expect you to do all these things you aren't comfortable with. It's wrong of me to push you. I'm sorry."

          He gave me a soft smile. "It's okay. We're okay."

           I couldn't help but, return the smile. He slowly lifted his hand and placed a strand of my hair behind my ear. He then proceeded to move his hand to my chin. He looked at me for a few seconds then looked at my lips. I felt the need to lean in but, I didn't. I have to let Jason move at his own pace. He looked back at my eyes and slowly leaned in. He placed his forehead on mine and closed his eyes. He sighed.

          We weren't kissing. He just remained still leaning on me. I closed my eyes. I wasn't upset. Just having him touch me in a way where I know he's comfortable is enough to make me content.

          He began to lean away and I expected him to move back to his couch but instead he leaned in again. He placed his lips onto mine and kissed me. This kiss was more passionate than the first one he gave me yet, softer. He placed one of his palms on my cheek and rested it there. He was slightly stiff but, moved as if I was glass and any wrong move would create a crack. He seemed scared to hurt me and I didn't understand why. Although all I could do at the time was return the kiss and push all my questions to the side.

          Whatever this relationship is with J.D. is going to take time. I slowly have to accept that and if I really do have feelings for him then it shouldn't be a problem. He pulled away and grinned. He then sat next to me and placed his arm around my shoulders. We continued watching the movie in silence. I placed my head on his shoulder and smiled when he didn't flinch. This relationship was going to take time but, the wait would be worth it.