Authority ▲ Ksimon

Linger

(Open photo at own risk, it nasty)

Words:(1464)

Simon

I wake up to a sore throat and a deep indention pulling me closer to the sleeping figure next to me. I sit up, watching as JJ lets out silent snores and pulls his face further into his pillow. My head droops at the sight, wondering how disappointed he must be in me. I pull my hands over my face and run my fingers through my hair, praying that last night was nothing but a dream. Yet I am let down as I look at my hand to find the exact address I found last night. It was a little smeared, but still readable . The words are imprinted into my head, but it only made me feel sick to see the words written on my hand.

I look over at JJ's calm state one more time. He wasn't calm last night; not at all. I can still feel his grip on my wrist when he exposed the ink on my skin. Him growling in my ear and gripping me tighter as if I would leave any second. I saw JJ's records; he wasn't angry, he was scared. Why? I don't know.

I turn to the table in front of me to find an empty pill bottle, a damp cloth, and the photo of me and Nick from their old base. I don't remember much from last night, but I do remember JJ prying the photo from my hands. It was like a wake up call to him, but it only caused me to shut down. That was the last thing I can grasp onto from last night, the rest is blurry. JJ must've helped me based on the cloth, but this only makes me feel worse. He helped me after I fucking drugged and left him. His heart is too big for someone like me. I don't deserve it.

I grab the freezing cloth and slowly begin to rub it against my hand, the smeared words becoming impossible to read. This relieves me a bit, but the memories from last night still reside on the top of my hand. I scrub harder, my skin becoming red from friction but that doesn't stop me. I deserve it.

I feel the tears escape my eyes but I don't stop to wipe them. I concentrate on the cloth in front of me as my hand moves faster against the raw skin.

"Simon?"

I zone back into reality at his voice, my head snapping up to notice the shocked look plastered on his face. My eyebrow stitch together before looking back down to my hand. It isn't until now that I notice the cloth above my hand is stained red, giving it a pinkish tint along its corners. Before I can respond, JJ yanks the cloth from my hand, pulling my wrist up to his face and letting out a small gasp.

"Simon... what the fuck did you do?" His voice was quiet, almost wavy as he wipes the clear liquid from my battered hand. It doesn't stop leaking as the stinging sensation grows stronger. I stumble on my words, not knowing how to answer the question given. Why did I fucking do that?

"I- I don't know.." I say, giving JJ a scared look as the blood leaves my face. JJ only shakes his head, pulling me closer into his chest. I accept his embrace, leaning my head against him and shutting my eyes in an innocent manner. He rubs my back, letting out a small 'tsk' and moving his lips up to my ear. "You know I'm not mad.. right?" He pulls me closer into him, placing a small kiss to the top of my fluffy hair. I grab onto him tighter, no emotion expressed on my face. "You aren't happy either."

He lets out a small sigh. "You're right, but I am happy that you're safe." I let a small smile crack onto my face, my legs swinging over JJ's thighs. "You shouldn't worry about me, I really don't deserve it.." I mumble as he places another kiss on my cheek.

"Who told you that?" He whispers, a bit of anger laced in his voice. I sigh, hiding my face into JJ's chest.

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(Flashback)

"Please.." I cry out with the loudest voice I could muster up, but the pain doesn't stop as another blow is thrown into my chest. I gasp for air, but nothing helps the pain erupting inside of me. I hear a sneer above my helpless frame, their hand pulling my chin up to face them.

"What? Stop? After what you did to this family?" He says, throwing me back onto the dirty floor and the sound of a crack filling the room. Before I pass out from lack of oxygen, I hear one more thing from the man I used to look up to-

"You don't deserve happiness."

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"That motherfucker," JJ mumbles, running his hands through the top of my hair. My eyes droop as JJ does it, knowing it is my favorite feeling.

"Si, listen to me. I don't care what he said, I need you to be happy. You deserve it. You don't even know how much happiness you have brought me this past month.. I- I don't want to lose you.." He mumbles, his eyes turning glossy at his last words. I sit on his lap, pulling his face up to mine. "What makes you think you'll lose me?"

"I've lost everyone I've ever loved, I can't lose you.." He says, tears running down his face. My heart drops, grabbing his shoulders and kissing him with all of the passion I could muster up. He relaxes under my touch, pulling me closer by waist. I smile, pulling my hand up to his cheek and rubbing my finger long his jawline while his tongue asks for an entrance. I allow him, letting out a moan and bouncing on his lap in adrenaline. He lets out a groan, mumbling sounds of disapproval against my lips."Si, stitches. Remember?" I let out a whine, pushing him down onto the mattress and locking my lips onto his neck. "Si.." JJ says in a warning tone, grabbing my hips in attempt to push me off. I only grab his arms, pushing them down on either side of him and continuing to litter the side of his neck with dark bruises. I drag my hand down his navel until it is placed firmly on the waistband of his shorts, grinding down on him until he lets out a loud gasp. "Simon!" He yells out, grabbing my hand in disapproval and causing me to whine out in pain. The end of my hand is still raw and pink with infection. I let a tear fall down my face before JJ throws me off of his legs, landing on the opposite end of the bed.

"Si, what the fuck was that?" JJ yells, grabbing me by my shoulders. I scoot up closer to him and place a kiss to his shoulder before leaning against his side. "I just want you to feel better. I'm here and I'm not leaving." I whisper as vacant tears fall from my cheeks. He sighs, pulling me closer by my shoulders and leaning his head against mine. "You could've just told me that.."

"You wouldn't have believed it.." I mumble, holding my hand tightly and relaxing into JJ's warmth. JJ doesn't respond, he only grabs my hand, holding it until my breathing becomes regular and the tears stop.

"What about this.." He whispers, "Whenever I get my stitches out, we can both go confront Nick.. I just don't want you to be alone.." He mumbles, against my hair. As much as I hated the idea, I agree as he pulls me into a long kiss. I smile into it as he runs his hand up my thigh, grabbing my bum under my long shirt. "You should dress like this more often.."

"Shut up," I laugh out before pushing him by his chest until his head is rested onto his pillow. I lean down so our noses are touching before giving him a small peck. "I'm going to go wrap my hand," I whisper, running off into the restroom. He smacks my bum before leaving, causing me to throw his custom controller at him in amusement. He overreacts as he flings around on the bed, letting out dramatic screams before playing dead on the spot. I let out a laugh before entering the bathroom and staring at myself in the mirror.

I would wait for him, but deep down I knew we didn't have time.

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Once again, to find out what I am up to: Ig://cal.pringles. Also if you have never rubbed your skin raw, it's fucking painful.