Akira Kurusu x Reader Oneshots

Jokes

(A/N: Alright, so I always have a bunch of random quotes on my phone from either books, youtube videos, movies, shows, friends (not the show), etc. that I think are hilarious. I was going through them and I just so happened to find some and I just imagined this, so I decided to write it. If you get these quotes, I will be very very very very very very very very VERY surprised, because sometimes they are very very very... uh you know, very vague. ALSO! I've officially played around eighty hours of P5 and I'm at Niijima's palace. Any advice?

ALSO!! (C/N) = Code Name)

Akira sighed. Why is it always me? He was strung up from his feet, so he hung upside down. It was a dark room, and this sadistic group of women decided it would be wonderful to capture him.

Of course, this was all going according to plan. The rest of the thieves would surely come save him on time. Otherwise he wouldn't be so calm.

Well, at least they'd better save me.

He could barely see anything in front of him, and his hands started to feel numb. His vision swayed and he swore he was seeing things, but they must've been hallucinations. Don't tell me they're using some sort of weird magic on me, too!? After he had regained consciousness, he didn't know:

How much time had passed,

Where his kidnappers were,

When the thieves were coming,

What was going to happen,

WHY EVERYONE VOTED ON HIM BEING BAIT!

Etc, etc. The team said they'd make a plan without him. Just in case he couldn't keep a secret, they didn't tell him. So, he just assumed-hoped, really-that his trusted friends would come to save him. The dark-haired phantom thief groaned in pain, before deciding to voice his thoughts.

"Ladies, when I said I loved blood rushing to my head, I didn't mean this one." he called out, eager to get this whole thing over with.

A chuckle resounded throughout the room, and a melodic voice came through. "My, my! It seems that we've got quite the joker, haven't we, ladies?" If only they knew how right they are. Women started to walk in from all sides, surrounding him. Panic started to set in. What if they don't get here on time? What will I have to suffer? Though he still managed to keep a confident facade over his face, despite both his worries and current position. He looked around him as hard as he could, shaking his head when he thought he saw blurry doubles. There seemed to be around five of them. We should be able to take them out. No problem. The woman directly in front of him walked up to him, and crouched down. She wore a mask over the top half of her face, and the rest probably did too, he guessed. She smiled cruelly, licking her lips at the state he was in. "Let's get down to business, shall we?" she practically sang. ....

......

I probably shouldn't crack a joke about that while I'm still tied up.

The woman straightened up and snapped her fingers. He could hear shuffling behind him, and worried what would happen to him. She saw the worry flash over his face, and laughed. "Don't worry dear, it's all in good fun!" she reached down and stroked his chest sensually. He squirmed from her touch. It felt like spikes tearing at his insides. Fortunately, she retracted her hand, and he relaxed again, feeling even worse than before. She giggled again, and walked away behind him to help prepare with the others. He shuddered in disgust. This woman was at least ten years older than him, and why was she wearing such skimpy clothing?

Don't tell me... He groaned again in frustration, and he would facepalm if he could. (A/N: If you just, like, stare, at the word "facepalm" long enough, you start questioning if it's an actual word or not. Or the word "scary". Or maybe I just stayed up too late. That's probably it. Oh well.) Is (Y/N) really going to let this happen to me? Talk about a shitty girlfriend... Ha, good thing she's not a mind reader, or I'd really pay for that one.