Falling Back #wattys2017

Chapter Nineteen

"Dad, can you pass the syrup?" I asked the next morning

"Yeah sure, only if you pass down the butter"

"Deal!"

My dad and I were sitting at the table eating pancakes with actually tasted good today. Sure, the pancakes were good but I couldn't stop thinking about Yale. Yale should be the furthest thing from my mind but I just don't want to think about the fact that I'm still on this dreadful mission. I failed at getting into Yale. For a guy who was going to hate me anyways, I ruined my dream. My chance to prefill my mother's legacy. I just don't know if I want to do anything else but be a lawyer at Yale

"Don't worry about Yale" said Dad as he was cutting his pancakes "You can do something else"

"No!" I yelled "Mom wouldn't want that!"

"I got the feeling that you only want to go to Yale because of Sonia" said Dad

"That's not true!" I yelled

Maybe it was tru- no it wasn't! My dad was wrong! The Yale thing really was awful to think about, all it did was rehash the regret I held for my mother all these years. I have more to focus on. Maybe focusing on Mike would be less dreadful

"I can't believe I'm still on this mission" I groaned

"Yes, you are on this mission and you have to talk to Mike" insisted my dad

"But I don't want to"

"You have to!" yelled Dad "That's an order from me!"

"Fine! I'll say hi to him!"

"You have to do more than that! Mike's life rests on your shoulders!"

"Don't you think that's a lot of pressure to put on me?!" I cried "It's hard Dad! Mike literally thought that I would give him a concussion. I'm sorry if I was hurt because I thought he had more faith in me!"

"I get that you're angry but you can't put Mike's life at stake because of one stupid disagreement!"

"I won't let him kill himself but it doesn't mean that I'm not disappointed in him, that's all!"

"If you don't talk to Mike today, I am going to ground you!"

I rolled my eyes at Dad before I stormed out the door and slammed it. The second I got off the porch with my schoolbag on, I immediately felt guilty that I yelled at my father, rolled my eyes at him and slammed the door. That's no way to treat a man who loves me. So I went back into the house

"I'm sorry I was that mad at you" I cried "I still love you and I'll never act like that again"

"I'll give you a free pass this one time!" said Dad "But if you ever do that again"

"I won't"

"Just get to school. I wish you luck"

Dad was right, I had to talk to Mike. Am I hurt that Mike thought I would hurt him, emotional and physically, yes. But that's no excuse to put his life at stake. I still could dread being with Mike and count down the days on the calendar for this mission to be over. But I have to at least pretend to be his friend

And as for me liking Mike, I don't anymore. It feels weird not liking Mike. Part of me feels as if I'm forcing myself to hate Mike rather than following my heart. I would like Mike again in a heartbeat but all those mean things he said over the last nineteen days, I always let roll off my back because I thought that that's just the way Mike was. But what if Mike actually meant all those things? What if he was just verbally abusing me the whole time waiting for me to never talk to him again? Sure, we did have a lot of moments together and Steve told me that he likes me as a friend. Still, is it wrong to still be cautious? I don't want to be one of those girlfriends being a yes woman to everything their boyfriend says, even if it leads to their downfall. I don't want to be abused, I don't want to worry about the next name I'm called. Sure, my heart is telling me that I wanted to be with Mike so badly. But my head told me not to listen. To just get the mission over with and move on away from Mike. What should I listen to more? My head, or my heart?