The Lies We Live

innocence

"give me love like never before
cause lately i've been craving more."

Look at them in in their effervescent innocence. The glory of being young. There is no reality to crush their beating hearts.

There is no storm that can drown their dreams, and no sadness that can not be washed away by their tears. How must it feel to let go without ever meaning to? To stop gripping your knuckles because you haven't been around long enough to become attached to anything.

I ask God, not for happiness or riches, or even success, instead, I ask him to give me this bliss; innocence. Because at least the world is still shiny, and you are naive enough to believe that people are still good. Because you still think the world will continue to amaze you and the adventure will be there for you right when you wake up.

But we all know that with years comes a bitter truth; there really isn't much out there. What was once the glamor of being alive, is now the glare of existing in such a desolate world. Even the people, the oh so many people have come to betray you. Their insincerity has broken your heart, and yet, you were in the wrong for trusting them as such. Worst of all, perhaps, is the reality that the only adventure that exists, is that which we create for ourselves, and unfortunately, we happen to be bland people.

Our lives soon become a mess we find ourselves in, one that we never wished to be a part of. People are the oncoming waves that lap over each other, each covered with the memory of the last. Once betrayed, we will always see humans as creatures that are not to be trusted. Because this is the hurt that we consciously allow ourselves to become vulnerable to. Why would you subject yourself to such an ailment?

I was once told that I must understand that not all people are willing to give the same amount of love as I do. Not because they are unwilling, although sometimes they are, but because they are not capable of such affections.

Sometimes I feel so vulnerable, under the scrutiny of others. Their constant condescending gaze that gives me paranoia. Their judging eyes ever present in my life. Please don't say that I am wrong to think these things, I am the product of feeling. A morbid creature shaped and tormented by everything that has ever happened to me.

I find it impossible to think of myself as beautiful, in a world where beauty is not who you are, but what you are. The question isn't what you are most passionate of in life, but what type of car you have. Since when did we look at each other, not in terms of character, but in terms of monetary value?

Remember your youth? The glowing skin, and the vivid eyes. Oh, how much love you had to give, and no one to give any to you. I wish my mother taught me not to be naive, instead of how to love. God knows I never had any use of it in my life.

I wish care did not feel like poison wrenching my heart. The staggering feeling of the truth. They tell me because they love me, but I can not help feel that their concerned voices fade into silence, as the moments pass.

I beg for the innocence that once graced my life. The pleasure of dreamless sleep, and vacant minds. Why can we not be children as we once were?

To see handsome boys as just that. They are not players, or men with evil intent. How will I ever be able to love if I'm always terrified of the betrayal? If they only care for their own pleasures.

But what did you expect? This is the human condition. We can not possibly understand others in the way they want to be understood. The intimacy of boundaries. To know someone as much as they want to be known.

I love you, but I'm afraid to say it. I know you might not feel the same way as I do. And I can't handle hearing that. So I will spare my soul the despair, and choose the silence. Silence is the sanctuary that, not pleasant at first, will guard you from the heartache.

I have hidden my innocence in the deepest parts of myself. This is the only way to keep it from the worlds prying eyes.