The Lies We Live

human

"baby i am not afraid to die."

I can only speak of love as an observer. My house still holds remnants of what once was. I can only look at my parents and hope that the afterlife will treat them better. Watching them my entire life has created this intimacy of understanding. I do not need to see them show affection to know that it still thrives between them.

Perhaps the stars do align, but no one ever tells you about the asteroid belts and black holes, the way the universe attempts to tear all perfect things apart. I like to think of my parents as two stars who got caught in the danger zone. two lovers torn apart by the everyday life.

I still crave the senseless acts of kindness, the sincerity that exists beyond the realm of physicality. Bus drivers who let broke men ride the bus despite the fact that they haven't paid. Kind teachers who will love you like their own, and expect nothing in return. The people who have come to understand that life is already hard as it is, and that we are allowed to release good into the atmosphere, even if it will dissipate in a matter of seconds.

We must realize that we do not do good in the hopes that it will change the world, but rather that it will change us. Perhaps we will change to an extent that one day, we become the people who do good in a way that changes the world.

It is hard to be an optimist in a world where the bad overwhelms the good. What is there to hope for when the odds are stacked against you? Because you are colored. Because you are poor. Because you are not good enough. Because you are human.

It is ironic to think that our own humanity makes us desolate in nature. Our self-satisfaction and survival overcome any attempts we make to progress in life. Every time we take one step forward, we find ourselves thrown back by this vast force field of reality.

Maybe it is that we care too much. We paint ourselves in the way we assume that others see us. It's how their words sound when they reach our ears and travel straight to our hearts. How the undertones of their voices make us overanalyze every syllable that escapes their mouths.

The truth is, we don't listen to what people say, but rather how they say it. It is almost as if we are constantly looking for validation from others. You can hear acknowledgment, love, hate, and anger, if only you choose to hear all the things that people forget to say. Or rather choose not to.

If only language could convey all the things wrong with us.

High school is the worst place to be during an existential crisis. Everyone happens to be so consumed in their lives. Because grades matter more than friendship, and world issues are something to be discussed, but never to be a part of. The only way you can make people care about you is to make yourself a part of their world, and even then, you will receive only half-hearted intimacy at best. 

I have hated people greatly for the insincerity they have expressed towards me, but I think I understand now. We don't seem to have time for each other anymore. We simply lack the time to build things such as trust and loyalty, but more importantly, we do not possess the qualities required to achieve these things. In everything we do, the underlying message is recurring: success is directly proportional to the amount of money you earn.

Because we have not been taught to aspire to things such as finding love, or passion, our minds derail from these concepts and focus on the skills required to earn the most cash in the least amount of effort possible. We learn to be ambitious, and efficient, but we soon realize that this is not enough. Ultimately, it is our compassion and our integrity that we alienate ourselves from.

We are willing to become whoever and do whatever, in order to accomplish this success that has been held over our heads for our entire lives.

What I mean to say is that none of us can escape that which makes us human. There is no such thing as good people, but there are people who have done good things. Our race is so susceptible to our desires and cravings, that we often forget to love ourselves and others in the process.

But I also wanted to say this: Perhaps it is in our flaws that we become aware of our surroundings if only to realize that there is so much more to life than what meets the ordinary eye.