Fading Out (COMPLETED)

Chapter forty nine

"Cole"
"I'm sorry Baby" I whisper holding my head in my hands.
"Cole" Ellie calls me for the hundredth time.
"I'm so sorry"
She's been driving for hours and I've been apologising just as long, I can't look at her, I can't. Not right now.
Tears stain my face as I try to remember, she took them. My memories of drowning are gone, I know I did, I know I died in that car. I remember the car but not that night, I remember everything that happened up till eating my poisoned meal. Then now like my mother it's like I never woke up, nothing, not one single fragment of time between then and the hospital.
How the fuck did she do that?! I groan and shake my head in frustration.
"Cole, nearly home Baby boy. Hold on" Ellie says gently.
"I'm sorry" I mumble again.

I hear Ellie's sigh of disappointment and her pressing buttons, a phone call being dialled out through the stereo.
"Hello?" Its Izzy, fuck.
"Hey, its Elle. Sorry, are you home?" Ellie asks.
"Ah yeah, kinda naked though. Are you?"
"Not naked, not home. We will be in a few minutes. Izzy, I think he needs you" Ellie says sounding beaten and I hate that I did that.
"What happened" Izzy's instantly on high alert, like she's been waiting for me to crash.
"I don't know, he won't talk to me. He just says sorry on repeat, I don't know if he can even hear me. There was a woman, he kissed her.... never mind" Ellie sniffles and I bite my lip knowing I just made my lady cry. "Something's wrong" she whispers.
"He kissed her?! No, no Cole's not like that. Can he hear me?" Izzy panics.
"If he can hear me he can hear you" Ellie sighs.
"Bug, just hold on okay. It's going to be fine" Izzy tells me but I don't react.
I don't want her, I want my memory. I can't forget what he did.
"Nothing, see you in a few minutes" Ellie says then disconnects the call.
A few minutes? We can't be home already, we left three hours ago tops.
"I love you Cole, it's okay. We're okay Baby" Ellie rubs my back touching me for the first time and I shudder a sigh, it feels so good that I just want to throw myself at her.
I don't. I don't move and concentrate on what I thought I'd never forget.

"We're home Boy" Ellie says trying to sound relieved.
My door is wrenched open before Ellie even takes the key from the ignition, Izzy lifts my face but I don't see her. Cooper stands behind worried with messy hair and his shirt on inside out, I look to him begging and he moves Iz aside. He always just knows without words.
"C'mon man, lets get you inside" Coop reaches for my hand and I take it.
Strong arms pull me up but I don't let go, I tremble and hold him, one hand gripping his hair to bring his ear closer to me.
"She took things, she took them from you too. I need them back, I need to remember Coop. How do I remember?!" I can't stop the tears and I hate it.
"Who did?" Coop asks looking at my face then pulling me in for a hug.
"The woman, she said you let her kiss you" I shudder.
"Oh.... You met her then huh?" Coop says like everything now makes sense.
"We were walking past when this crazy woman called us in her shop. She knew Cole but he said he doesn't know her, she kissed him, she had rings, she kissed him again and then this. He won't talk to me, she told him to ask you, she wants him to see her again. What did she do? Do I call the cops?" Ellie sounds like she's losing it.
"No, no cops" Coop shakes his head and pulls my face back to look at me. "Dude, if she took something it's because you don't need it. What did she take?"
"My death, it's gone. I know I died, I know I did but it's gone. I don't remember. Tell me how to get it back" I beg him.
"Oh brother no, shh. You don't want that, you can let it go now. If you don't remember you can't dream. If you don't dream you don't need the pills. This is a good thing" he smiles fatherly and patient at me.
"I don't want to forget, I need it" I shake my head.
"No man, you don't. Just breathe" he leans his forehead on mine and breathes slow and loud showing me.
I take a deep breath and he rubs my shoulders, I do it again and he nods.
"But... if I didn't die? I'm still him, h..h..his s..s..s..son" I stutter and gasp for breath losing mine again.
"No. You're not Coleson Bentley, his son. You are Cole Bentley, my brother. There's you and there's me. There's no him, understand me?" Coop says tightly knowing why I need this now.
"H..h..hate him" I nod feeling so angry, angry with the woman for taking what's mine and angry that I need what he's done to me.
"Love you" Coop tells me and I sob into his shoulder.
"Fuck" I groan.
"I swear to you Cole, he ever gets out and he's dead. So fucking dead" Cooper growls.
"Cole?" Ellie's soft voice comes from behind me, it's unsure and nervous, not like my loud, cheeky Red. "You didn't take your pills this morning, why don't you let Coop take you up to your room. I'll get you something to eat and you can take everything now, maybe a sleeping pill to calm you down?" She asks gently.
Your room, she didn't call it ours. Fuck, I've blown it.
"You don't cook" is all I can think to say.
"For you Boy, anything" she sighs and her hand rests gently on my back.
"I'm sorry Red, so sorry" I sigh too.
"Yeah well maybe I'll kiss your brother to even the score, dirty blonde for dirty blonde" Ellie says haughty and stuck up and I laugh.
"Dude?! Did you just snot on me?" Coop jumps back disgusted.
"Just a little" I shrug feeling exposed without him holding me.
"So gross. Ellie take him upstairs and I'll bring up some food" Coop waves us off and Ellie wraps an arm around my back.
"You don't cook either" I mumble.
"But I do, go on. I want to see these rings after your nap by the way, I love that woman" Izzy pushes me gently towards the house.
"Boo? Lock it up for me?" Ellie tosses her keys at Cooper and he nods. "It's okay I come with you right?" She asks unsure.
"It's your room too Red, ours, not mine" I try to smile but it doesn't feel right.
"I like ours" she smiles too and leads me up the stairs.