Her Encounter | Islamic Story

Chapter 26

11th March, 2007

Everything is falling apart... everything I strived so hard to protect is harmed in ways unimaginable. Is this what hell feels like? Hopelessness... Nothing feels alright anymore, I've just drowned a whole load of antidepressants... or were they sleeping pills? I just can't remember. There has to be a way to get out if this maze, a way to protect Denae from harm's way. I can't believe I failed, failed to protect Venessa I failed again and again!

That uncanny bastard will pay for this. I know he will try again to break me apart by laying his claws on my Denae. My lovely girl, my solace... she's the only thing that's holding me together and if she's gone as well... no... NO! I mustn't think this way. I'll find a way, I'll protect my baby from this barbaric world, I've already failed twice but never again.

I just need time; time which I'm out of. I'll have to carefully study his tactics, his next move before he strikes me again, I'll have to plan my own contingency plans. I refuse to let him win this round so damn easily. I still haven't figured out his game, his purpose, why does he pose a threat only to me? Why highlight me from the rest!?! Has he forgotten that there were others who let him be dragged to the hell where he belonged?

Denae is fragile, she may be a wild flower but doesn't a wild flower need to be cared for as well? She has seen too much. She has suffered so much. Oh, my baby! I'm lost, truly lost.

I see myself in despise. This is what I hate about us humans, we're like porcelain dolls, we fall and we break into a thousand pieces which are then dangerously scattered across the room. We cry, we endure pain but we stand up thinking we can glue ourselves back. This is where we make our error. We think we can cope without those pieces but it's just a false claim. I know this now. I understand the despair, the loneliness and the darkness that lurks within this world. I see my life as a pool of blackness, wherever I go, whatever I touch is dyed black.

I have nowhere to go, nothing to reach but the small flicker of light that I see at a distance. This flicker of untamed light is my Denae, and if she's gone then I'm lost forever. I may have failed as a man, but I shall not fail as a father, I will find an end to this madness. There's always a loophole, always! And I intend to find it. I will never succumb to the likes of him and I will not lay down without a fight. And that's a promise.

I shut the journal hard. This is wrong, very wrong. Dad was under medication! He was losing his mind trying to save me. I don't understand what to feel. Dad was suffering this way! I started taking deep breaths, I had no idea what to think, what to expect. My breaths were very much audible, almost as ragged as a suffering animal, suffering at his last. My Dad. I lied down on the bed with the journal tight in my hand curled in a foetal position. Dad!

"Denae. Denae?" Aiza had apparently come in the room and with quick paces was by my side now. She made me sit up, awkwardly supporting me with her shoulder. "What's happening?"

My breaths were still coming ragged, but with Aiza stroking my back I slowly started to calm. She offered to call her Mom but I rejected. The less the drama before leaving this home tonight, the better. After minutes of her holding me, I finally showed her what bothered me. She hugged me again, for the umptieth time in the day, what else could she do? Even her pain was evident when she had read those painstaking words.

I still hadn't got the answers and something told me that journey through my Dad's diary wasn't going to be a pleasant one. Aiza to ease up the environment suggested that we should both get a nap as we were going to leave at midnight and should get as much sleep as possible.

About meeting with Uncle, he according to doctors was in a stable state, just not conscious. I hoped that he comes around before midnight; a little inspiration will be helpful. Also, I need to ask for his forgiveness over my ludicrousness.