I don't know what I'm talking about

The end

I can't go back to oldfields.
I think about going back and something rises in my throat and I see pictures of me there and remember the nights alone in my room with a blade.
And I want to cry.
I deleted all of my pictures there.
I can't go back.
I saw a picture of me and sophia and wanted to throw up.
I wanted to go back so badly.
Why did that change???
I'm terrified. Because over all of that, when I think about going back I feel suicidal.
like, genuine. More
More genuine then ever.
I can't fucking breathe.
What the fuck is happening to me?
I can't breath!