I don't know what I'm talking about

I thought i was okay

camp heals

at least, i thought it did

i wish i was at camp.

I thought i was over you

I FUCKING THOUGHT IT WAS OVER
THAT I WAS OKAY
THAT I COULD ACCEPT THAT YOU LIED TO ME!

That I

lost 

you.

I LOST YOU!

and i reread your poetry book

i forgot

i forgot how in love with you i truly am

i forgot what it felt like to feel unlovable

i forgot what it was like to feel like the world was ending.

I forgot.

I didnt want to remember!
I dont want to remember

Please, go love her.

go love her because she'll be better

she'll have it together.

she'll love you without all of the pain.

You two will be beautiful.

I don't think im pretty anymore.

There are wars inside of me

millions and millions of battles. Blood. Pain. Loss.

So much loss.

So much loss that i don't even exist.

So, to the boy that has seen all of the pain in the world,

is this what you live with?

Every day?

do you have wars, finn?

dear god,

i hope theyre over.

You've seen all of the pain in the world.
I haven't.

but it damn sure feels like it.

God, I was getting back on my feet.

I was carrying the world again. I had it under control.

I DROPPED IT!

I've gotten pretty good at that.

I will live.
I will live.
I will live.
I will live.

I will not hurt anyone else.

I will not break my sister

I will not break my brother

or my mom or dad

I will live.
I will live.

I will not die.

I won't die.

I'm scared, though.

I'm terrified.

Please come back.

PLEASE

please love me

please remember that you loved me

I can't be unlovable.

no one is unlovable.

i can't be unlovable.

right?

right?