BBC Sherlock imagines

One Year Reminder

It had been a year. A very long, tough year for John and you knew that. You had met him at his darkest point and you knew you had to stick around through the bad before things looked up. When you'd first started dating John it had only been a couple of months since, since his best friend Sherlock had committed suicide by jumping off the roof of St Bart's hospital, and John was at his worst, but in recent months he'd started to get better, to see past his grief and look at his future with you. But today marked the one year anniversary and you knew it would all come flooding back and he'd go back into his self-destructive spiral.
You blinked open your eyes and it took you a minute or so to remember what day it was. When you did, however, you turned straight on your side to check on John but he wasn't there. You immediately threw off the covers and jumped up to see where he was. You walked into the kitchen to find him rushing around making pancakes. "Good morning (Y/N), pancakes?" He asked you smiling. You just stood there, staring. This was the worst possible outcome of today- he would pretend that it was a normal day and keep himself as busy as possible, pretending he was completely fine. When you knew in fact that he wasn't. You took a deep breath, thinking about what to say and do next. You eventually decided that you wouldn't mention anything yet and so replied to his question with a "yes please". After five minutes, he brought you in a plate with a few pancakes but a separate plate of pancakes towering high. "Sorry, I just sort of got a bit carried away", he smiled as he placed your plate in front of you. You didn't say anything and the two of you ate your pancakes in an awkward silence, with several left over at the end which had to be thrown away.

Later that day, the two of you were sat on the sofa watching telly when John's phone buzzed. He picked it up and you glanced over his shoulder to see a text from Lestrade.  You didn't get a chance to read all of it, for as soon as you read Sherlock's name, you cast your eyes straight up to see John's face. It was now deadbeat and stern, which kind of scared you because he was never like that. Before you had chance to say anything, however, he had already stood up and excused himself before quickly striding out of the room. You sighed, running your hands through your hair, trying to figure out what action to take. You were soon pulled out of your thoughts by a loud crashing sound, followed by another and another,coming from a little way down the hall from the room you were in. You jumped up to go and investigate, worried that John had hurt himself, but when you stepped out the door, your eyes landed on him punching a door frame viciously. You ran to where he was, before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, refraining him from punching anymore. He fought back and was strong, but your adrenaline kicked in and you were so determined to stop him from hurting himself anymore that you overpowered him. After a moment or two, he stopped fighting and gave in. "Why?" He cried out, desperately. "Why did he do it (Y/N), why did he do it?" He burst into a fit of sobs and tears as you pulled him even closer to you. As his weight collapsed onto you, his legs gave way and the two of you lowered to the ground. He sobbed loudly for a long time, repeating "why?" quietly every so often. You positioned one arm around his body, holding him up slightly, and held his head with the other, rocking him back and forth, stroking his hair soothingly. When he had calmed down enough to stop sobbing, but tears still falling and still hyperventilating, he sat himself up slowly and looked at you. "I, I'm so... sorry.. I, I feel like such a baby. Y-you shouldn't h-have to deal with, with this. I'm s-sorry." He managed to stutter out. "John don't be silly. I understand how hard this day must be for you. Please, just don't pretend that your fine. Because I know you're not and it just makes it worse for you. Please just let me in, you don't need to shut me out." You replied before pulling him for another tight hug as more tears spilled down his cheeks. But this time he hugged you back and the two of you stayed there before  eventually you pulled back and asked "dinner?"
"Starving"