He held the thick, bulky headphones up to his ear like he was clinging onto his life. Hearing his voice again creating goosebumps on his tan skin, shivers down his spine.
"Hey it's Grayson. Grayson Dolan. Don't adjust...whatever device you're hearing this on, it's me. Live and in stereo." His soothing voice spoke through the device.
"And if you're listening to this tape, you're one of the reasons why."
A tear slips down his cheeks as he continues. Guilt, regret, pain, worry, betrayal fills his mind as flashbacks create a dark image.
"Some of you cared. None of you cared enough and neither did I." He once said. His words make him shake in fear of what happens next.
"It takes one minute to make someone's day and one word to destroy someone's life." He thought deeply on this phrase.
Knowing he's part of the thirteen reasons why his own twin brother make this sacrifice. His own life. All taken away from him in a blink an eye.
He listened to each tape throughly all day. He never left his room.
Many tears have been shed. Too many to count.
"I think I've made myself very clear.. but no one's coming forward to stop me. Some of you cared. None of you cared enough and neither did I. And I'm sorry. So...it's the end of tape 13. There's nothing more to say."
He turns the tape recorder off and continues sobbing like there's no tomorrow. Maybe there really isn't a tomorrow.
Grayson needed to be saved but Ethan couldn't save him.
Grayson did this because of them. But mostly because of him.
"Why couldn't you say this to me when I was alive?" Grayson's many words linger in his mind leaving marks. Marks that can't be taken away by treatment.
"What about you, the rest of you. Did notice the scars you left behind? No, probably not because most of them can't be seen with the naked eye."
His emotions were unbearable at the moment. So many different emotions filling his swollen, scarred mind all at once. Only he could imagine how she felt. The pain. The hurt. It's all so unexplainable.
"I'm listening to someone give up. Someone I knew. Someone I killed.
I'm listening but I'm still too late." He said to himself looking down and letting everything he's held in for the past month out. Every emotion. Every thought. Every idea. Every tear.
"You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life, you're messing with their entire life. Everything affects everything."
"You can't love someone back to life." Mr. Porter's words come across Grayson's mind as well making him think even harder and do into deeper thought.
He could've done anything to stop him. He had so much to live for but that was all shattered by different people and aspects of his life. He was broken but everyone was too blinded to notice. His smile was better than any disguise you could possibly think of.
"No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same." Grayson used to say.
Thinking of all the scars he left behind made him weak and vulnerable under Graysons nonexistent touch.
"I'm not going. No now, not ever. I love you Grayson" Ethan said to him once but even those words couldn't save him. Who know he'd would be the one to go.
"You can't stop the future. You can't rewind the past. The only way to learn the secret is to press play."
And he did. He listened to his brothers shaking words all day hearing his story, his pain, the trouble he really went through.
His voice spoke through his device like they were face to face.
"Do you remember the last thing you said to me?" The device spoke in his voice.
His last words. None.
Grayson threw down his apron at his movie theater job and violently pushed open the door and speed walked out. Who know it would end like that.
No words. No communication. Just emptiness.
"That's the problem with putting people first; you've taught them you come second." His words sink into his mind. He could've done anything to save her but what did he do?
Absolutely nothing.
"I needed a change so I changed my appearance. The only thing I had control over....amazing."
Who knew those were all signs. Grayson gave little hints but no one seemed to realize or care.
"But it's more than just a scratch. It's a punch in the stomach and a slap in the face, it's a knife in my back because you would rather believe some made up rumor than what you knew to be true." He said in one of the tapes.
He sounded so hurt like they've done some real damage and they did. They hurt him and there's no going back from that.
Grayson hurt so many important people.
"EVERYONE IS JUST SO NICE UNTIL THEY DRIVE YOU TO KILL YOURSELF." Ethan screamed. It was only supposed to be a tour of the high school but ended up in much more.
No one could control Grayson.
"Oh why? Cause people are listening? Well it's too bad no one paid attention before." Alex's words also beat down into Ethan's brain. He can't handle this anymore.
This guilt and regret has to end but he won't make the mistake like Grayson did.
"You and me, everyone on these tapes, we all let her down. We can't let him know he has another choice. Maybe we could've saved her life. Maybe not." Tony said.
Words really hurt people but Ethan didn't know that until this tragedy took place.
Ethan knew exact how he did it.
"He got into the tub, still with his clothes on, slit his wrist and bled to death and he died alone."
He knew ever detail of how it happened but again, he was too late to save him.
Maybe love doesn't save lives. Maybe it does but in the end, everything matters.
Every word. Every hit. Every promise. Every idea. Every hug. Every kiss. Everything matters. No matter how small or big it is, it matters.
He just wished he knew that before Grayson made that mistake.
He was part of the thirteen reasons why he did this and he can't change what happened.
We can't stop the future. You can't rewind the past. The only way to learn the secret is to. ......press play.
And he did, he listened.
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