Warming a Frozen Heart

Resignation

CHAPTER 10

Resignation

-Kyousuke-

"Luke!" I screamed. "Luke!"

He came sprinting towards me and got startled by the unconscious JC in my hands. "Where did she get this?" he mumbled, taking the bottle from her hands and read the description. "This bottle had twenty pills, all in all... and she took eleven. Shit, that's overdose. Her blood would become sticky." He threw it away and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Can you carry her to the nearby hospital? I'll go get Erin."

I nodded quietly, my eyes stinging. After getting her into the doctor's care, I met up with Erin and Luke at the waiting hall. Erin was crying. "Overdose of that is poisonous. She took it on purpose... because she didn't want to live anymore."

I tried to fight back my tears of guilt and soothed Erin until she stopped crying. "That's the third strike, Kyousuke. The third time she gets to meet death."

"She'll get over it. She'll get over it," I repeated over and over. It was all my fault for not checking on her and telling her I was sorry. It was just plain simple. She didn't want pain anymore.

After a few hours, the doctor let us in and told us we can take her home in at least one hour. Luke and Erin talked to her first before choosing to let me in.

JC was back to her normal state, the color in her face back. A needle was attached to her hand, letting the antidote make its way into her. "You okay now?"

She turned away and didn't answer. "JC, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry if I caused you to suffer like this and--"

"And what?" she asked, her voice trembling and her eyes watering. "Causing me pain for the 'nth' time in my life? I've been in pain for my whole life, Kyousuke! Why did you even have to take me here and let me live for pain all over again?! I ended it all. I tried to end it all! Why the heck did you even have to meddle, huh?!"

I was taken aback by her words, a lump forming in my throat. She began crying. "Why did you have to interfere?! I want to be home with my family. I want to be gone. I just want to be able to feel how sanctuary is like! All my life I'm in despair! Each day, it's all just pain! You know too well about what's in my past! You, Luke, and Erin! You don't know how much it really gnaws at me everyday! You don't know how it feels like to be clawed at by grief! You don't know what it feels like losing a family! You don't know how being molested at such a young age feels like! You don't know how bearing a child from sin feels like to me! You don't know the feeling of loss. You don't freaking know anything about what I'm going through!"

I didn't have anything to say at her statements, but my body moved involuntarily and locked her in an embrace. She kept crying and pushed me away, but I kept holding her. "You just don't know anything, Kyousuke! If you only knew how it's like to carry a heavy burden here," she fumed, punching my chest and continuing, "Then you would damn well know why I did this!"

"You didn't have to commit suicide like that..." I said softly. "That's why the three of us are here for you. Here to share all that despair, here to share all that pain and grief with you so you wouldn't have to carry it all by yourself. That's what friends are for." My voice suddenly shook and my eyes watered. JC was uncontrollably shaking and still trying to push me away. "You don't goddamn know how it feels."

"I may not know what it feels like, JC, but I can promise you, I'll be here."

"All your rotten promises about staying by my side are all broken! What was that about staying? What was that about getting me that necklace?! What was about the situation in the music room?! What was about blaming me without listening to the story properly?! What was that all about?! Huh?!" She was shaking badly. "Just stay away from me."

"They aren't all broken, you know."

"How the hell could that be?" She gripped the cloth of my uniform in my arms. "I'm just tired of losing people! So sick and tired of it!"

"I want you to know that we're all here for you. I'm here for you, even if you still hate me because of our fight. I'll be here. Just let me know if those feelings in your heart need to be get out." I released her, put my hands in my pockets and gave her a last look before returning to the dorms.

When I arrived, I felt so heavy from guilt that I lapsed into a nap. When I woke up, it was dark outside and JC was in the room with me. She was jiggling the doorknob, trying to open it. "It's locked from the outside," I muttered. She probably heard this so she tried prying the windows open. I opened my eyes and saw that it was bolted from the outside too. I stood up and checked the kitchen's window, but it was locked as well. I came to the conclusion that we were both locked inside by three notoriously crazy people namely Luke Voix, Erin Gale and Nina Kirsten that want me and JC to make up already.

I heard JC growl under her breath and wrapped herself up in a cocoon on her bed. "Want something to eat?"

"No."

"Some sweets, then?" I stood up and sat next to her. "I think you want some."

"No."

"Grumpy Cat," I teased, lying down.

***

-JC-

"Excuse me?" I asked, looking up to him from my bedsheet cocoon. "Come again?"

"You're so grumpy, you know that?" Okay, that did it. I popped out of my shell and slammed a pillow on his face. He ended up laughing like the idiot he was. "Are you crazy?" I asked, my brow twitching. "No, I just... hahaha... I just find you adorable right now."

Heat crept up to my cheeks in an instant. "W-what are you talking about?!" I muttered, burying my face into the sheets. "A-and what did I say about staying away earlier?!"

"Do you want me to step out of your life? All it takes is just one signature from Luke's mother and a plane ticket."

"N-no..."

Maybe it is true that the person who owns the arms that hold you at your weakest and the heart that stands by at your pain is the one who loves you most.

He slid down a little and faced me. "You're really cute when you blush, you know that?"

Eep, that was rich, coming from a dense idiot like him. "W-what m-makes you say that?"

"I don't know, I just find you cute." Hopeless. "And really adorable. Only when you're in a state like this. I mean, you're always into your Grumpy Cat mode."

"Such a choosy bastard," I spat. "Hey, would it hurt you if I leave?"

"I-It's not like I'd miss you or anything." Damn, I just said an indirect 'no'. He sighed. "Okay." I was getting stabbed by the hurt look in his eyes. "I mean... I would feel lonely," I added. "Besides, I find it really boring if you're not around. I guess it's a 'yes'."

"What drove you to suicide earlier?"

So damn direct, God. "You," I bursted out. "That stupid and slutty sight in the music room, all the pain inside me and the award for being the cause of suicide goes to you."

He chuckled nervously. "So we're okay now?" he asked, pushing away a stray strand of hair from my face.

"No. We're so not okay."

He bent over and kissed me on the forehead. "I repeat, are we okay now? 'Cause you usually change what you say after blushing, which you are exactly doing now."

I buried my red face in the sheets. "F-fine!"