Warming a Frozen Heart

Reunion

CHAPTER 30

Reunion

-JC-

When Kyousuke left, our dorm room felt so empty that I had to move into Luke's room permanently. I couldn't stand the loneliness and guilt eating me away anymore.

At the beginning of my last year at St. Peter's, it snowed early, as if trying to mock my feelings. Sure, me and Luke played in the snow occassionally and roasted mallows in the fireplace, but I missed the warmth that came form Kyousuke effortlessly. Who wouldn't if they knew that the one they love so much lives three thousand miles away?

Each time Luke would talk about Kyousuke I try to not feel guilty throughout since I barely knew if we were okay or not. Kyousuke left without me being able to say goodbye to him, just like all the other people in my life did. But unlike those people, I wanted Kyousuke to come back since the days without him felt like dreams that make me want to wake up because I wasn't fine about it at all.

I wanted to run away. Even though the dorm was my home, it felt like it was just an empty house.

I never knew that loving can hurt. That loving can get hard sometimes. But they say it's worth it all to bear if the one you love is really yours.

In one of the nights when I couldn't sleep and cried instead, I would open my drawer and look at the pictures Kyousuke took with me on the day he asked me out. They were memories we made where our eyes are never closing, no hearts are broken and where time's forever frozen still. So still that it gets to be printed on photo paper I could hold forever. So still in paper that I could keep the images in my pockets and never ruin the pristine scene captured in it. The photographs stopped my loneliness sometimes.

It hurt. So much.

***

"Merry Christmas," Luke greeted me with the usual smile. "Smile a little, JC."

I found it funny that it was rather hypocritic of him to say that since he became dry and less active when Erin distanced from him. He was like a lovebird that got separated from its mate. He withered, but he tried to stand strong. "Merry Christmas."

It feels so sad to think about my last Christmas, where all five of us celebrated. "Your gift," I mumbled, handing him a watch. His mom told me to give it to him.

Instead of giving me a sad smile and joining my lonely party, his eyes turned from dead to excited, as if he remembered something. He seemed to be listening to something, and when I tried to hear what it was, I heard that it was his phone vibrating off his desk. "Wait here," he said. He scampered into the bedroom and got back with his phone happily. His grin was full now, not sad. He answered it. "Yeah, yeah, I'll give it to her."

I was surprised when he shoved the phone into my hands. He seemed to beam now.

I held the phone to my ears and said, "Hello?"

"JC?"

I almost teared up at the voice. It was Kyousuke, right now on the phone, talking to me. The dim Christmas lights in Luke's room seemed to glow brighter, and suddenly I didn't feel cold anymore.

"JC, listen," he said. "I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. I hope you're having a great Christmas with Luke and--"

I cried. "This is the best Christmas so far because you've finally talked to me."

I almost felt him smile on the other side of the line. "Merry Christmas, JC." Kyousuke's quiet laughter that followed sounded longing but happy. "There's something I want to tell you."