Crap Cherry Blabbers

Why

Why is it that I'm like this?

Why is it that I spend countless nights crying into my pillow and numerous occasions fixing black tears and ruined eyeliner over this?

I can't take it anymore

The fact that I have to wait almost a week at a shot just for a fucking text message

And then a half hour of talk

Is that supposed to make up for the week I had without you?

The pain I went through?

The depression that smacked me harder than a wrecking ball to a small trailer house?

The thoughts that consumed me?

All the "am I good enough"s?

All the "am I not worth it to him"s?

All the "He deserves a better girlfriend than me"s?

Call me a petty bitch

But all I ask is for a little more time to talk

I can't even tell you this because whem I try to you leave

You don't answer

For another damned week

I was alone for our one month until almost midnight

I have no doubt it'll happen again for the second month

That is if yoh don't leave my worthless ass by then

I'll be lucky if you don't

It's been ages since I've heard an I love you

I beg in my head everytime that I'll get an I love you too

But hardly I ever do

I give up on texting you

I give up on my emotions

I give up on all the progress I made on my depression and anxiety because of you

I give up on hiding the tears

I give up on acting okay

I give up on responding

I give up on trying to be happy

I rant here because everytime I try to with my family

I get shut down

Pushed away

Ignored

Told I'm overexaggerating

I've given up all hope on myself

Just let the world drag me down to the pits of hell and burnme at the steak alive and ready to become burned alive within the flames

Just let me die for fucks sake

But why

Just fucking why

Does the world feel like it's shredding around me without him when all I do is cry over him?

Why?