Why is it that I'm like this?
Why is it that I spend countless nights crying into my pillow and numerous occasions fixing black tears and ruined eyeliner over this?
I can't take it anymore
The fact that I have to wait almost a week at a shot just for a fucking text message
And then a half hour of talk
Is that supposed to make up for the week I had without you?
The pain I went through?
The depression that smacked me harder than a wrecking ball to a small trailer house?
The thoughts that consumed me?
All the "am I good enough"s?
All the "am I not worth it to him"s?
All the "He deserves a better girlfriend than me"s?
Call me a petty bitch
But all I ask is for a little more time to talk
I can't even tell you this because whem I try to you leave
You don't answer
For another damned week
I was alone for our one month until almost midnight
I have no doubt it'll happen again for the second month
That is if yoh don't leave my worthless ass by then
I'll be lucky if you don't
It's been ages since I've heard an I love you
I beg in my head everytime that I'll get an I love you too
But hardly I ever do
I give up on texting you
I give up on my emotions
I give up on all the progress I made on my depression and anxiety because of you
I give up on hiding the tears
I give up on acting okay
I give up on responding
I give up on trying to be happy
I rant here because everytime I try to with my family
I get shut down
Pushed away
Ignored
Told I'm overexaggerating
I've given up all hope on myself
Just let the world drag me down to the pits of hell and burnme at the steak alive and ready to become burned alive within the flames
Just let me die for fucks sake
But why
Just fucking why
Does the world feel like it's shredding around me without him when all I do is cry over him?
Why?
YOU ARE READING
Crap Cherry Blabbers
RandomAuthor book because why not? STARTED: June 29th, 2017 FINISHED: April 4th, 2018