The Hunger Pangs - A Parody

3

After we leave the Just Bliss Building they put us in a limo so we can ride to the train station. My blood is pumping and adrenalin rushing so much I hop in one of the back seats immediately. Peppy somehow has one of those tropical drinks with the little umbrella when she pops into the limo next to me and offers me a sip. "Non-alcoholic," she notes, her giant pink hat down and spread along the backseat for me, her and Peebo all to hold, however her pink hair gets in my face and I sneeze all over the place.

"Yeah," I say, wiping my nose and taking the drink, gulping it all down and letting out a mighty burp.

Peebo gives me a round of applause. "That's my Kantmiss!" He shouts, fist in the air. He then exposes his Kantmiss Shirt with my face on a yellow background with the black print: GO KANTMISS printed on the front.

I shake my head. "I can't wait to kill you."

We get to the train station quickly, the driver wishing me and Peebo luck and says he's rooting for District Twelve to get into the party this year. The only one who has ever gotten into the party from District Twelve was Haybail Aftermathy, the lone victor of his Fun Games, and I envy him deeply.

Peebo and I are escorted inside the train, which is luxorious and glorious as well, with not moldy food lining the walls like an open buffet.

Peebo immediately lunges at the food, almost pretending I'm not even there. I even feel a little offended.

Peppy and Haybail come into the car, too, Peppy smiling a large forced smile, and Haybail just vomiting everywhere and falling in his own bile.

"First train to Big Boy!" Peppy hollers, grinning widely and putting her giant hat back on, which grazes the ceiling. "Also Peebo if your fatass doesn't stop eating in--" she checks her bare wrist-- "sixteen minutes then I'm throwing you out of the train."

"Why?" I ask her, sitting on a couch in our train car.

Peppy just stares at me, nudging Haybail a bit, yet he looks dead. Anyhow, she shrugs. "That's when we get to Big Boy City," she replies and then tiptoes back to her room in the back of the car.

I decide to get in the shower, stripping my clothes and hopping in. I scrape off some grime and a piece of gum that had been stored in my armpit for months. Once I notice it I pop it in my mouth as a strawberry flavor explodes in my mouth.

While I chew, I fantasize how jealous Prick must be right now. Probably starving to death and contemplating eating Butterfinger. Whatever it is, I hope I have rued her day. That reminds me of a valley song I learned and taught to my devilish sister: "Deep in the meadow, under the willow, a bed of nails, a sharp green pillow..."

"Deep in the meadow, hidden far away--" I hear Peebo finish where I started and I tug back the shower curtain. He sits on the crapper and hums a tune, his pants ALL the way down.

"The hell man," I yell at him.

He looks at me and I shoo him away, and when he leaves I lock the door. What a weirdo.

Once I finish, Peppy comes in with a green blouse and pants. I like the outfit, so I put it on and tie my hair back in a ponytail. I leave the bathroom, seeing my turkey pin Badger gave me and putting it on again. It reminds me of home, where shooting a turkey and eating it would mean dinners for days. I laugh. "Pitiful. I'm about to live a life of partying in the Big Boy!"

I then realize I'm in the middle of the train car, and Peebo is even staring at me like I'm an alien.

"What?" I ask him.

That's when Haybail stumbles in, a little bit better. I turn to the large guy, his long blonde hair falling in fabulous locks to his shoulders. "Oh," I say. "I thought you were dead."

Haybail dismisses my words, sitting down on the floor and stretching out his legs. "So in five minutes you'll be in Big Boy City and your stylists will be dolling you up like Barbie and Ken. Okay?"

I excitedly nod, so ready to get this show on the road. In fact I don't even know what Haybail is here for, probably to cheer us on or something.

That's when the Big Boy comes into view, a city surrounded by rocky mountains, all built around a giant statue of what seems to be President Cornhead Slow. I jump to the window and see people in extravagant outfits, weird wigs like Peppy's, and painted faces. I realize then, that all of them are really...big. Some have figures like an hourglass, but some are stuffing their faces endlessly. All of them do, right now I see someone slip five hot dogs into their mouth.

"Whoa," Peebo sighs in shock. "This just got so real."