The Hunger Pangs - A Parody

25

"Just kidding!" Peebo jumps up and throws away his gun. I leap over and hug him.
"I thought you died!" I scream.
"No bro," he says, and we stay in an embrace for a moment. Once we break away, an airplane comes and lowers a claw, and both of us are raised into the air.
Once we reach the inside of the plane, Peebo is dragged into a hospital room unconscious as doctors go to work on him. Hey, at least he's alive. But for some reason I keep watching him, worried sick. His little heart stops twice.
Once we land on the roof of the Training Center, Peebo is taken away for closer examination, and as I sit in disorientation at why I am not getting remade for a Party...a needle jabs into my arm.
When I wake I'm in a hospital room, naked and confined in a bed with warm fluffy sheets over me, and balloons and banners floating around me: Congrats on making it! - You're alive, OMG good job - You didn't die! Yay!
That's when I see my nails. No grime or dirt--replaced by nails filed into triangles. My silken hair, no burns, no scar above my forehead, I have even regained hearing in both ears!

That's when I sit up and the illegal Avox girl with red hair named Laviña waltzes in and places a tray of food on my bed. Then she slips a spoon in my hand. "Did Peebo survive?" I ask her.

Yes he did.
I smile. Before the Fun Games I wanted him dead, yet now I don't. Dale will be so mad when I come back home briefly and then go party in the Big Boy and he sees how in love we are. And how we totally made out like five times in the Fun Games. And how I ate sixty
bagels in less than an hour in that cave, while District 12 starves to death. I pity my people.

Anyways, I eat some miso soup and drink some apple cider. There's usually a gap between the end of the Games and the victory ceremony so that the winner(s) can get their life(s) back in order. At least in the end I won't be so disgusting. Eh, whatevs.

I can't wait to Party! One part of me doesn't want to go home and sort out all the financial stuff, but one part of me wants to see the devil, my stiff mother, and Butterfinger the cat. Butterfinger the cheap chocolate bar.

I get up and move around, finding my Partygoer arena outfit and knock it off the bed. But I know I have to wear it since right now I'm buttnaked so I put it on and step into a wide hallway. "Peebo!" I call out. I hear then somebody else call my name. It's Peppy Drink-It. Or what I want to call her, Peepee.
Then I find them at the end of the hall-- Peppy, Haybail, and Cinnabon. Smelling the cinnamon from even over here I almost pass out. I run into Haybail's arms. "You smell like earwax.," he tells me.
"I appreciate the congrats," I tell him. Cinnabon offers me a cinnamon bun and I grin at him.
Then I notice that Porpoise is gone, and I look around. "Porpoise is with Peebo," Peppy tells me. "They want to broacast you guys' reunion."

"Aw." I miss the muffin man.
"Go with Cinnabon," Haybail orders me. "He's going to get you ready."

I follow the waft of cinnamon all the way to the penthouse, on the way up the elevator reminding me of Kimberly, all bloated up with her own boobies, Marble with Betty 2.0's bullets in his round body. Tainto, his grundle shot up. Clymidia, being slammed dunked and world starred by Trash. Foxyface, her face painted and her tail unmoving as she is lifted up into the air. Dead. Rudy. Rudy who saved me from those backpackers. Who loved gangster rap more than anything. My fingers go to my neck, and the dog tags are gone. "Cinnabon!" I holler at him, and he asks me what in an annoyed voice. "Where are those dog tags Rudy gave me?"
He shrugs, and so I move to him and grab his arm. "I'm not doing the interview if you don't tell me where the dog tags are."
But he still doesn't tell me, so I just follow him to my room, where my prep team--Venus, a plump woman named Octopus, and a man with orange curls named Flavorful--are engaged in a pie eating contest. Octopus seems to be winning, and when she sees me, she alerts the other two and they come to shake my hand, their faces purple with blueberry pie insides.
Then I do the pie eating contest for fun, and it is broadcast live because it's coming up on Big Boy TV as te third best show out there. Once I lose dreadfully, Octopus slips me another pie for later to let me know she's on my side.
When they prep my body up, all I can see in the mirror is how big I am. Dayum I am cur-vay! Omgosh. I can see that I am halfway there to Kimberly boobs! But my cup size is still two too small for that.
Cinnabon comes in after a few minutes to present me my costume.
"A candle?" I ask him.
"You are a candle, yes!"
He slips on some breast padding first, telling me he doesn't need a girl so flat to go up on the air after she has killed twenty-two other people. "I mean, have you gone senile?" He asks me breathily, but all I can wonder is if all he lives, eats, and defecates cinnamon.

In this waxy outfit, it puts me being naked and on fire in the chariot to shame. Even my interview dress. In this, a flickering flame at the top of the costume will be lit as soon as I walk onto the stage. Forever I am on fire.

"I thought Peebo would like this outfit," he tells me and raises his eyebrows.
"But I look like a stick," I say.
"You'll see." Cinnabon winks and then files out. "Gonna head to Taco Bell. See ya!"
My prep team escorts me to a metal plate below the stage. And I will soon be lifted up onto said stage. To meet the one and only Caesar Salad and my boyfriend Peebo Melonhead.

Haybail greets me and looks me over, telling me to turn around, and after I do, he whisperseverything into my ear. "Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Big Boy is furious about the attempted double suicide. So what you'll say is you were madly in love and couldn't bear being without him."

I pull away. "kay." I make it look like I'm following a script, but I actually did do it cause I wouldn't party without him.
Then the metalplate begins to rise, making my bowels widen and contract in panic.
And all I want to do is take a crap