This is how I disappear.

Chapter 1

A/N  Hi, so this is my very first fanfic and the first chapters are pretty bad but it all gets a lot better and more interesting further into the story. Sorry if it's super shitty at first but I promise it's a lot better when it finishes. I hope you like it, comment and vote and tell me what you think even if you tell me it's the worst one you've read yet, I don't mind :) Anyways ta ta x

****(Gerard's POV)****

I stood in the kitchen with a hot cup of coffee, wrapped in both my hands and I was starting to daydream as I stared blankly at my mother who was explaining something that was probably completely irrelevant.

"Gerard! Are you even listening to me?" I snapped up waking from the dream by my mom  in front of me with her hands on her hips

"Uh...yeah sure mom..." I said still uninterested in what she had to say

"Ugh, go get dressed you'll be late for school" my mom demandednas she searched through her bag

"Like anyone is going to care if I even go" I mumbled under my breath as I dragged myself away from my coffee, still wanting more. I climbed up the stairs tripping up every other step as I had not fully woken up yet. I walked past my little brothers bedroom who was sat up in bed on his phone

"Get dressed" I said as I poked my head through the door

"Yeah I will in a minute" He mumbled

"Mikey, get the fuck up" I said as I walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I looked in the mirror above the sink, grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste. My reflection had dark, greasy, shaggy hair that was slightly long enough to just cover my brown hazel eyes with my pale skin.

"ugly fuck..." I mumbled to myself while I squeezed the white paste out of the tube and onto my brush. I didn't bother doing anything with my dark hair, not even brush it. I trudged to my room passing Mikey's on the way to see him fiddling with his phone, but dressed this time. When I got to my room I shut the door and put on the same black ripped jeans on like I did everyday and my maroon hoodie with my black doc martens. I grabbed my headphones that were plugged into my iPod and grabbed my black bag that had my cigarettes and comics in.

"Hey Gee, you gonna hang out with me and Ray today?" Mikey said as he whipped around the corner, phone in hand

"I dunno Mikey, i'm not exactly a peoples person"

"Yeah but it's only me and Ray, come on" Mikey looked up as i put my hands in my hoodie pockets and looked at my slightly dirty Dm's.

"Well, fine but we always hang out near the music block, so if you choose friends over cigarettes for once..." he started for the stairs

"I go outside for some fresh air!" I stopped my brother

"Sure you do" Mikey walked down the stairs as I followed him

"Boys this week I'm going to be late home every day, so there is plenty of microwavable meals in the fridge." My mom said as she picked her car keys up and headed for the door.

"Thanks" Mikey said as he followed her to the door to walk to school

"cool..." I murmered as I put my headphones on and walked out the door

I hate every second I spent at the hell hole that was considered as 'school'. I would rather go to hell then school, at least I would fit in there. At school I was classed as the weird emo kid that no body liked, and because of that the popular jocks would throw me the most basic insults or beat me up. But the times they weren't hurting me, I was hurting myself, whether it was by drowning my thoughts in alcohol or releasing the pain on my arms, either way I hated my life, my depression, my anxiety and myself.

I arrived at the front doors of the school after the bell had rang, so the parking lot was completely empty which meant that the lousy teenagers were sat in there classrooms. I debated whether to skip first class or deal with art , and that was my favourite subject. At least then I could sit at the back of the room and doodle for an hour straight and disappear.

First period went by, second period went by and then third period came along swiftly. I was actually surprised that I hadn't been beaten up by now, but that meant that I had also spoken too soon as a group of four tall, muscular guys came round the corner and blocked my path, fuck.

"Hey faggot, had a nice morning?" The guy said stood in front of me.

"Leave me alone" I said quietly just so the big guy could only just about hear him

"What was that?" He said as he bent down to face me

"I said leave me alone dickbrain" I looked up and regretted everything at this point, and in seconds I was pushed up against the wall by the throat and an evil grin facing me.

"You don't get to tell me what to do shitface" He tightened the grasp on my neck as I gasping for air at this point

"Can't breath too well huh?" The tall guy cocked his head still with the grin glued to his face

"The whole world would be better of if you weren't breathing anyway, I'd be doing everyone a favour."

"You'd be doing- me a favour too" I managed to spit out in small breaths of air. The muscular arm let go of my throat letting me drop to the ground, I rubbed the back of my neck while gasping for more air. Just as I had got my breath back a sharp pain rushed to my gut as the big guys foot kicked me in the stomach

"Die in hell you piece of shit" The big cocky guy said as he spat on me and started walking away

"Happily..." I whispered while trying my hardest to get up, I basically couldn't shut up

"Huh, you would think that he was asking for this wouldn't ya?" Another tall boy said to the rest of them, and just as I got on two feet I was on the floor in seconds as a clenched fist flashed in front of my face just before a pain stabbed me in the jaw. You would also think that I had nine lives as well at this point, the jocks had beaten me up countless times I kind of got used to it I guess. 

I spent the rest of third period trying to clean the blood of my mouth and making myself look almost, almost presentable. I then decided to fuck the idea of going to periods 4 and 5 and skip the rest of school, I would then go to my secret place where no one else went. The old windmill house. I would go there pretty much every day on my own and read my comics or draw and smoke cigarettes, occasionally go there to drink away my problems but I usually couldn't find a lot of alcohol to do that so it had to be cigarettes most of the time. No one else went to the old windmill house, no one really new about it and the ones who did were just old people. My grandma told me about this place so I could kind of run away, but not really.

I walked to the windmill house dragging my bag while occasionally rubbing my jaw every now and then when it started hurting. As I approached the old broken down windmill I couldn't wait for a cigarette and to read my favourite comics when I turned the corner to find a short battered boy staring back at me.

**A/N**
Ayy first chapter! I'm a shitty writer so it's not amazing. Hopefully it will get better throughout the story :)