This is how I disappear.

chapter 27

"Gerard No!" Mikey darted towards me and took the can out of my hand.

I sighed and let out the breathe of air i didn't realize i was holding in.

"Bert, what the fuck?" I heard Mikey shout at him. I ignored everything around me, I sat in silence breathing. I was so fucking scared, i nearly drank that beer and broke a promise with Frank, what was i thinking for fuck sake.

"I didn't do anything! He said he wanted a beer" Bert defended. Honestly it wasn't his fault, he wasn't able to know anything about my addiction, he couldn't help me and i wasn't going to let Mikey blame him for something he hasn't done, it was my fault i was a fucking idiot.

"M-mikey" I spoke up

"What!?" He snapped, clearly angry and worried

"It was m-my fault" He gave me a questioning look "I-i agreed to have the beer"

"Why?" He said letting go of Berts shirt

"Because i wanted it" I said

"But w-what abou-"

"Mikey!" I said shutting him up, i didn't want everyone knowing i have a fucking addiction at my age.

"Sorry" He said looking down at Bert

"Don't sweat it man, it's okay" Bert shrugged it off.

"I'm going home" I said standing up

"Don't go yet, stay a bit longer" Lindsey said smiling at me, she was sat on the other side of me.

"O-okay" I sat back down next to her and Bert stood up clearly uncomfortable "Bert?"

"Hm?" He turned around and looked down at me

"Sorry"

"It's fine Gerard, don't worry honestly" He smiled and walked off leaving Lindsey and me alone on the couch.

"So what was all that about?" She asked concerned

"J-just, don't take my drink very well" I think i can trust lindsey, she was someone who i can imagine being my best friend and i would be lucky to have her as a friend.

"That's okay, everyones different" She smiled, which settled my nerves.

There was a 'ding' of a phone, lindsey looked down at hers to check and looked at me.

"Not me, must be yours"

I pulled out my phone and unlocked it to see a text from Frank reading,

'Hey, hope you're okay :) xx' I smiled down at my phone and instantly relaxed into the chair

"Girlfriend?" Linsdey spoke up smiling down at my phone too

I shook my head "No, my friend. He's sat at home" Still smiling i texted back

"Oh okay i get it" She said mostly to herself, i guess she realized i was gay or something

'Yeah, I had a little incident and made a couple of friends, i'll tell you about it when i get home xx'

'Okay, Text me when you're coming home xx' I smiled down at my phone again and heard a chuckle from Lindsey.

"What?" I looked up at her

"Nothing..." she laughed again. I shook my head and began to text back "It's just, you two are pretty cute" She smiled and then looked down at my phone.

"Yeah" I sighed and texted back

'I will, hope you're okay xx'

"So are you two a thing?" She asked curiously

"Uhh i-i don't know really, i uhh guess so" I stuttered and shrugged

"Well, have you flirted with him?" I nodded "Has he flirted back?" I nodded again

"Have you kissed?"

"Yeah..." My cheeks blushed as i looked down at my -now turned off- phone

"Twice?" I nodded silently "Three times?...Four?...Five?"

"I don't know, i don't keep count jesus!" I laughed

"I'm just curious, when was the last time you kissed?" This girl was extremely curious and i liked her, it was funny seeing her get so excited over few kisses

"Before i came here" I said blushing even more than before as i remembered the heated kiss at the windmill.

"Was it like a passionate one kiss or like a heated, open-mouthed make out?" She said raising her eyebrows as she waited for an answer.

I didnt answer as I looked up at her looking guilty as my cheeks burned red.

"Oh my god! It was a heated, open-mouthed make out wasn't it?!" She exclaimed sitting up straight facing me.

I smiled and blushed even more as i didn't answer she spoke again.

"Gerard Way!" She nudged my arm playfully "Who is it!?"

My eyes widened at that question, i couldn't tell her. What would i say 'Oh yeah it's Frank Iero, you know, the kid that ran away and the police are looking for him' I don't think that would go very well...

"I- uhh well..." i stuttered as i scanned my brain for an excuse not to answer that question "I don't kiss and tell linds" I winked at her playfully as she shrunk down in her chair

"But you already told..." She mumbled disappointed. I shrugged at her and grinned as my phone buzzed.

'Yeah, i'm good xx'

'Took a long time to answer haha xx'

'I got a shower, stop trying to be Sherlock aha xx' Cheeky little shit

"Come on just tell me Gerard!" Lindsey said nudging me repeatedly on my arm "Come on, who are you fucking?"

"I'm not fucking him Jesus Lindsey!" She raised an eyebrow at me

I rolled my eyes and texted Frank back

'Cheeky fuck xx'

'Not right now, ive just got out the shower thank you ;) xx'

"You said you're not fucking. Liar!" Lindsey laughed as she saw me text the 'mystery boy'

"Fuck off" I laughed back turning away so she couldn't look at my texts.

What the fuck am i meant to reply to that? i paused before answering back

'Hmm shame xx'

And with that i put my phone in my pocket and looked at an annoyed and pissed off Lindsey who had a small grin on her face.

"Who's fucking who?" Bert questioned as he sat back down on the other side of me

"Gerard's fucking this boy and he won't tell me who it is!" Lindsey said laughing as Berts face looked confused as fuck, which made me laugh

"I'm not fucking anybody Lindsey!" I defended myself as i crossed me arms

"Bullshit!" She said nudging me playfully

"S-so you're gay?" Bert spoke up hesitantly

"Yeah..." I raised an eyebrow and turned around to face him

"Oh okay" He smiled at me as if he was reassuring me that he wasn't bothered. I squinted my eyes at him for a better response "I'm bi" He smiled

"Oh, that's cool" I smiled back and nodded.

-

We sat and chatted about random things for a bit, conversation swapped between me and Bert or me and Lindsey or her and Bert, meanwhile i was still thinking about the text from Frank.

I'm sure he didn't mean it and it was just some flirty banter, that's what my waist up was saying, waist down was disagreeing and saying that he actually meant it and my brain was sending images down there which obviously created a small problem.

Luckily, It wasn't a major-full on boner so i put my hands in my hoodie which hid the buldge with the pockets.