OUT OF MIND / MYG.

TWENTY SIX

i was running.

fast.

unbearably fast.

my legs seemed as though they were going to snap anytime soon.

my heart was racing.

my lungs couldn't keep up.

my head throbbed.

but i kept running.

it was hazy.

i was coughing due to the smoke.

the flames surged from the house.

deep and black.

so much black.

i couldn't see.

i was just aimlessly running.

running away like a coward.

"you did it! look what you've done!"

i heard the familiar voice of nari.

she appeared beside me.

and i've never seen her so scared.

"w-what are you t-talking about, n-nari? you s-set the fire! n-not me!"

i stopped running.

exhaustion running deep within.

"no! it was you!"

she pointed a finger towards me accusingly.

i started crying.

"nari, i saw you! why are you l-lying?"

she pushed me.

i fell down, scraping my knee.

"you saw nothing! i'm not even real."

but it couldn't be.

because it was nari who suggested we try to set the flower petals on fire.

it was nari who went and found the lighter.

it was me who told her it was a bad idea.

that mom and dad would be upset.

it was me who didn't want to destroy the beautiful flowers our neighbor gave us.

it was me who begged nari.

but it was her who won.

it was me who stood aside.

it was her who lit the flowers one by one on fire.

it was her who tipped over the vase.

it was me who screamed for nari to step back as the couch caught aflame.

it was me who yelled for mom and dad.

that's what happened.

"i'm your imaginary friend, areum. i don't exist. you did all those things."

i glanced back at the burning house.

my creation.

according to nari.

no.

no.

no.

"nari! no! pl-please tell me it isn't t-true!"

i sobbed.

"i'd be lying."

then, i saw the ambulances and fire trucks race to my house.

the burning house.

my parents.

my sister.

i didn't kill them right?

they're okay?

right?

nari just stood there.

that's when i noticed the burns on my arms blistering.

pain flickered in and out.

i slipped in and out of consciousness.

i reached for nari.

she gripped my hand.

"it's all your fault. it always will be."

she smiled.

i whimpered as a figure approached.

"it's your fault, areum. it's your fault areum. it's your fault, areum."

she laughed.

"fire department! are you okay?"

i heard a voice yell out to me.

but all i could hear was nari.

it's all my fault.

it's all my fault.

it's all your fault.

it's all your fault.

it's all my fault.

good girl.