OUT OF MIND / MYG.

THIRTY THREE

i'm okay.

i'm okay.

i had a scheduled session with dr. choi today.

i had to take another test to measure my growth with my program.

to be honest, i haven't really been following my program as closely as i should.

but i just couldn't focus on anything else other than my impending doom.

i was sure i was going to die.

soon.

i've always been afraid of dying.

which is ironic.

but completely true.

that's, in part, how nari has controlled me for years and years.

she exploits that fear.

a fear in which i cannot control.

and she knows that.

did you know that practically anything can kill you.

well, i do.

sometimes i use that to my advantage.

but other times it haunts me.

keeps me awake.

dr. choi wanted to know the last time i saw nari.

and i didn't know what to say.

i didn't like talking about her.

i didn't want to upset her.

she was pretty strict when it came to what i could or could not say.

"maybe a week. i d-don't remember."

which was partially true.

i didn't exactly remember what happened in the visit.

but it wasn't a week.

she had visited last night.

in my dreams.

she did that sometimes.

somehow she wound herself deep in my dreams, painting the sleep with vivid images of the fire.

a vine creeping along me.

constricting me.

making it impossible for me to breathe.

"well, that's good. perhaps the new medication is working."

dr. choi hummed his response as he jotted down notes on his clipboard.

i rolled my eyes at the absurdity.

it wasn't working.

nothing worked.

she had tempted me to stop taking my meds.