hooked // harry hook

chapter fifteen - trust

I sat up in the bed with a gasp, waking up from my nightmare. I quickly realized that Harry was still in bed, and that he indeed hadn't left me in the middle of the night. Part of me was understanding that he was in a really uncomfortable and foreign situation, but the other part was really hurt that he wanted to leave me. He saw an opportunity to get out and he almost took it, despite everything that we had been through. I stood from the bed and walked to the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. I stared at my reflection with a scowl. I looked like a mess. My eyes were swollen from crying, my nose was runny, and my hair was all over the place. He wanted to leave me. Was I not good enough?

I grabbed my brush from the countertop and aggressively brushed at my hair. I swiftly pulled it into a bun and secured it with a hair tie. Was I not pretty enough, not interesting enough? I turned on the faucet and splashed my face with water in attempts to make myself look presentable. Where did I go wrong? Why wasn't I enough? I sat on the edge of the bathtub and hugged myself as I began to cry. What did I do to push him away? I knew he loved me, I could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at me. Why was that not good enough? Why did he still feel out of place despite us all trying to make everything better for him. Was I not sexy, or did I not do something right? What was wrong with me?

I heard a sound at the doorway, and looked up to see Harry with his arms crossed. "Come back to bed, love." he said hesitantly. "I can't sleep." I muttered, wiping my tears from my face. "Every time I fall asleep, all I can picture is you leaving me." I cried, hiding my face in my hands. He sighed before walking over to me and taking my hand. "I'm not going anywhere, love. I'm right here." he whispered, wiping the tears from my face. I stood and walked out of the bathroom, angrily grabbing my purse and storming out of the room. It was the middle of the night and I had no clue where I was going, but I needed to clear my head. There was no way I could just get over the fact that he was willing to abandon me, to abandon us. He had hurt me deeply, and I was conflicted with how to deal with it. Harry and I had never fought, and all this confrontation was too much for me to handle.

I strolled across the lobby and out to the pool area. It was empty, but I took a seat in a cabana and looked out onto the ocean. We had to talk about a lot of things, and I just needed to collect my thoughts before I could deal with him. I played with a loose thread on the cushion of the chair as I thought about the whole situation. We were a mess and the vacation was just starting. I didn't even know if I could look him in the eye without crying at the moment. I felt so insecure and insignificant, so worthless. And yet, I knew I wasn't. A small part of me knew that I was good enough for Harry, that I had done everything right to make him comfortable, to make our relationship work. I had always felt like Harry could crush my spirit in his hand, and he managed to do what I never thought he could. He took away my confidence and ability to trust.

I heard light footsteps behind me, and I turned to see him approaching. I sighed and frowned, looking back out onto the dark waves splashing against the shore. "Vee, you need to talk to me." he said, taking a seat next to me. "I'm really hurt right now. In a matter of seconds, you reduced me to feeling like nothing. At first, I wondered what was wrong with me, what I did to make you want to leave." I mumbled, staring down at my hands. "I thought about all the things that could've not been enough for you. Was I too ugly, too clingy, too uninteresting? Did you never love me?" I continued with a sniffle. "But I realized that you did love me. that you do love me. You don't think you're good enough for me, even though I told you a million times that you are. You've never believed in yourself like I have believed in you." I stated, shaking my head.

"And I've been thinking, how am I supposed to tackle this knowing that you were ready to leave me? I can't even begin to process what I would've even done in that situation. H-how could you do that to me, Harry? After everything we've been through?" I asked, the tears welling up in my eyes. "I fucked up, I'm sorry. You have a right to hate me after this, to leave me." he mumbled, looking down at his lap. "You did fuck up, big time." I nodded, wiping my tears. "But I'm not leaving you, asshole. I would never do that to you. I love you, and nothing will change that." I sniffled, looking up at him. "I just, I don't trust you anymore. You were my safety net, my home. Now, I don't even know where that is anymore." I continued, hugging my knees to my chest. "Tell me what you want me to do. How can I fix this?" he wondered, clearing his throat and wrapping his arms around me. "J-just hold me." I whispered, closing my eyes and melting into his embrace.

-

The next day, we took a boat out onto the water. We were gonna go snorkeling and just tan and lounge around for the afternoon. I had been avoiding Harry for the majority of the day. He had found a friend in Fernando and the two of them were taking turns driving the boat. I sat at the front, snacking on some watermelon slices and tanning in the sun. I had my earbuds in and my eyes closed as I laid back and felt the sun's warmth on my skin. After I had opened up to Harry last night, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I would never give up on our relationship, but I wasn't gonna pretend like everything was fine. His actions were significant, and they did affect me and how I felt. I had been really upfront with him, and while I still loved him with everything in me, we had a lot of things to work out.

It wasn't really helping that all Mom and Luna could do was ask me questions about us. I was in the middle of dealing with everything that had happened, and I honestly didn't know where we stood. I had built Harry up in my head to be this rock that held us together, when in reality, it was me who needed to be the rock. Harry was still adjusting, still settling, still forgetting the life he left behind. He had friends on the Isle, friends he couldn't see again unless he went back there. He had moved his entire life to a new place, and he hadn't grown up in a mindset that he was good, that he was worth it. He was insecure, and I could only do so much to fix him. This was a confidence he would have to build on his own. He felt really bad about the whole thing, I could tell. I could see a pain in his eyes when he looked at me, knowing how much he had hurt me.

I didn't want him to feel bad, to suffer because of me. But then again, he tore me apart. When he said he couldn't do it anymore, didn't want us, a piece of me broke, and I didn't know if there was anything he could do to repair it. I flipped over to start tanning my back when he laid down next to me. He slipped off his shirt and joined me in tanning. I didn't say anything because I honestly didn't have anything to say. I had poured out my soul to him, and we did end up staying up and talking for a while. We both laid in silence, soaking up the sun and listening to the music that was playing. I moved my head over to face him. He was watching me, biting his lip. He had something he wanted to say, but I knew he was struggling to find the words to say it. "I want to forget this happened. We'll deal with it later, I'm on vacation. Can we pause?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He sighed and nodded, putting an arm over his eyes. I turned back to my front and started to reapply my sunscreen. "Let me help." he mumbled, sitting up. I passed him the bottle and he squeezed it onto his hand. I turned around and let him spread it onto my back. His hands moved from the tops of my shoulders to my lower back. His hands massaged the product until it was fully absorbed into the skin. "Thanks." I whispered, turning back to face the ocean. I stared out to the water as the waves hit the sides of the boat. The air smelled of salt and little fishes could be seen swimming around the clear water. I kinda felt unappreciative, having this whole thing with Harry when we were in a literal paradise. I needed to push that behind us for the time being and just enjoy the moment. We had all the time in the world to fight in Auradon, but we needed to take advantage and enjoy the beautiful blue sea surrounding us.